Broken Wings

Behind My Back Again

2008-06-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

I haven't been with you guys but i have just heard something from a close affiliate of mine that someone was intending to ruin me in a ridiculous way. And he's doing it ever since the time he shoved my weakness and stolen my role.

I have just heard that there was a certain girl that 'looked like me' when viewed sideways. And I heard that he have said something regarding it. So what's his intention?

He want to make an ass out off me to a close friend of ours who's having a crush on her? That one day he'll wake up from a dream that she have become me?

Sometimes, I felt that I have enough if this.

Going up the Wheel

2008-05-09T18:05:00.002+08:00

Funny it may seems, there are a lot of people whom I resentfully abandoned due to the most of them preferred a bastard-who-has-a-frat-and-is-going-to-kill-me-because-I-spread-the-rumor-that-he's-an-assholeare coming back to me with their tails wagging up. You know why?

Maybe they already found out that he's an ASSHOLE. How could I return to them when in the first place they didn't get in the middle just to negotiate why am I spreading lulz about that asshole, including the lulz he himself created when he got dump a girl he now calls her bitch like that cosplay prima donna does, soliciting sex not only just to her, but to several innocent girls around the community, even using a name of a foster friend in his own lascivious pleasure. Instead, they come to his side, and now they are coming back for my side and yet his identity has been confirmed molesting internet-ally and now that nobody's going to take an action, and now my life is threaten with his frat he may have found using off, no one's giving a fuck about me.

And now my mom's even wants me dead due to her negativities and blaming us the bankruptcy of her business.

A lot of them, suddenly in an instant, having thought of adding me in multiply and in the dreaded YM where I recieve that asshole's death threat in the day of my birthday. How can I welcome them back? I hate seeing them last Ozine Fest '08 and yet I say I'm fine?

NANGDIDIRI AKO SA SARILI KO KASI PAKIRAMDAM KO ANG PLASTIK KO TULAD NILA!!

I hated myself because I felt like a faker like them!!

Anyways, nothing gonna change by whining in this blog, I just need to take some of these hatred. The internet was created by this manner, right?

And oh yeah BTW, Have you watch "Kaputol ng Isang Awit" in GMA-7 aired during the afternoon? I have just noticed something. The name of the bullied protagonist is Sarah Montessa and the loatsome antagonist is Joanna. It just made a sense, although the girl with pseudo-same name as the protagonist in the show actually bashing the other girl with the same name as the show's antagonist.

Just made sense at all...

Must made this fucking account active again...

The Greatest of All Sins Ever Told

2007-09-13T02:31:00.000+08:00

How many types of deadly sins are there created by the Christian scholars almost a millenium ago? There where seven. These where the infamous Seven Cardinal/Deadly Sins, each of it has the attribute to lead men into their own downfall by using the serpent's primary arsenal, temptation.

A friend of mine told me that upon those Seven Sins, all of them has a single origin even a gradeschooler could ever discover for themselves while attending Good Morals and Right Conduct subject.

Selfishness.

Selfishness is not a threat, but upon its wings, the Seven Sins sprouted. How? Let me demonstrate.

Sin: Sloth

Sloth's relation to selfishness is very obvious. You can't seize the day for yourself so you let others do it. You are lazy even to lift your finger, feed yourself. It is not a fact that the animal sloth is named after such because of its so slow movements. A sloth means a couch potato who waits for graces to come without giving an effort. Selfish.

Sin: Gluttony

You want to eat too much. You want all the food you can indulge right inside your stomach. Gluttony is directly related to Greed/Avarice but in the but in the gourmet aspect. It is the winner takes all food version. It is related to selfishness in the sense that you want all the food for your own bottomless stomach. Selfishness.

Sin: Envy

You want all the attention in the world. You are an attention whore. And you want that particular anything that belong to someone else and will do anything to have it for yourself, may it be a replica or the same thing. Still selfishness.

Sin: Wrath

You want to kick someone's ass. You want to destroy, you want to hurt your enemy so bad because you want to get even with them. Why are you mad? Can't have enough of Anger Management 101? Still a part of a man's selfish reasons.

Sin: Lust

You want to have sex to every girl you want to have your dick on. Or let's put it this way, you want all the girls in the world for yourself. You gain strong sense of machismo pleasure for every woman you screw. Still doing it for your own self satisfaction. Slefishness.

Sin: Greed

You want to get rich, so you are temped to steal. You want all the money in the world so bad to satisfy your vices. Cars, women, drugs... all of them for your own. Enough said. Selfishness.

Sin: Pride

Small but terrible, Pride is the most deadly. It is the sin that caused the light bearer to plunged down here on earth to be tied on judgement day. You can't to do a certain thing just because of your pride, even a very small, simple one that have always cause an arguement. Still because of man's selfish reasons.

As a conclusion, all of the Seven Deadly Sins are directlyrelated to a very small, gradeschool word called selfishness. Because mankind is inept in self-preserverance, God send his own Son to wash it all away. But still, mankind is an easy prey for a characteristics that have existed on animals called insticts. To gain salvation, man must overcome instincts with reasons, and the right path to God.

I am but a fool who don't have any authority to preach.

But I will leave you a word: Is is selfish to truly love someone, but still gaining pleasure out of it that satisfies yourself?

The answer is yours to find out.

Thanatos

2007-06-13T15:30:00.000+08:00

"Say, have you realized how insignificant your existence is on this little planet?"

I have found this line while reading a print out of 'The Melacholies of Haruhi Suzumiya'. I pondered about myself. I even asked myself why am I living here on Earth. Wait a minute? How can I be sure that I don't what to die?

After realizing how bored I am, I also realize how unworthy I am for the most. I have to accept the facts that I have accomplished something. Yeah, I ain't stopping doing accomplishments. But sometimes I may have done something wrong. In an instant, my good intentions were run over by a single second of mistakes. I may look like a clown who just placed his lipstick on a wrong place. It was condemnable. Yeah right, I am not significant either. So why I must spend my lifetime doing the same mistakes again even though I tried so hard to become better. "No one understand how I feel!!' becomes a cliche. In the end, I am the only one who's bitter, biting his thumbnails like L does.It seems like I have suffered enough euthanasia, crawling fire ants biting my toes and my legs, and a word most feared of the most, of such as Death, serves as a solitary medicine. An only cure for the tormented patient.

"I have enough of the same cycles everyday! Kill me now!!"

It seems like the combined forces of of the different versions of the urban legend song called Gloomy Sunday doens't have an effect either.If such things such as Deathnote exist, I could have asked Ryuk to have my name written on it. Or ask Ichigo and his gang of Shinigamis to cut my head off, in Bankai mode.I never knew that I was suicidal. But I don't have any choice.

For me, I see Death as a awesome once-in-a-lifetime experience. an enigmatic angel of salvation that would decapitate your pitiful soul and break free from the cruelty of the world. It would be fun to feel the presence of those people who loathe you before when you are still living and would attend your funeral just for some freebies. I was wondering how many people would be there when I die. I think they won't even reach the total numbers of your fingers from head to toe. But most probably not, because the fact is, you would only be remembered, when you die. Sounds fun to gather all your so called friends and nemesis in one setting, lamenting for your departure. But when you are still alive, insults and enless sarcasms that you hope that you wouldn't hear as long as you die.
Now here Death enters the picture.

Hell Girl seems to be a valkyrie that will help me thrive in the halls of Valhalla. If Sasuke's my bestfriend, I'd like to grant him the power of Magekyo. I should have been in the place of Kaoru Nagisa instead of him in the hands of Eva-01. I'll be resting in peace in the Grave of the Fireflies.

Least explain it, I'd be better off Dead. The world would be a better place without my presence anyway.

I have written the all my sins, not tragedies in the course of history. This is not even panicking at the disco or something. I guess that's good enough.

Ang Kapangyarihan ng Media

2007-04-30T00:54:00.001+08:00

Kung ano ba ang nakikita mo sa TV, sila lang ba ang sikat? Ano ba talaga ang kapangyarihan ng media?

Advertising. Dito kumukuha ng lakas ang mga TV networks na puhunan, sa dami ng nagpapaadvertise sa kanila. Syempre mas mataas na ratings mas malaking chance. Kaya yung mga TV networks kanya kanyang raket (lalo na yung isa dyan na pinagduduldulan nila sa mukha ng masa na sikat sila sa pamamagitan ng logo nilang halos 3/4 ng TV screens niyo) para makahikayat o mang brainwash. Kahit sa billboards, sticker ng MRT, poster o sa mismong TV lang. Syempre, kung sino ang madalas nakikita ng madla yun ang tatangkilikin. And sometimes I ponder about the most of us Filipinos patronize lame programs na wala namang kalatoy latoy kundi sa drama, o kung hindi kabastusan. Kung ano ang nakikita natin na suot ng mga artista, yung mga gupit nila, yun yung ginagaya o pinapauso.

Politics: Panahon na naman ng eleksyon. Syempre may mga delegado na sumikat sa pamamagitan ng media na nangaling lang mula sa pagiging druglord o kaya naman boxing champ. Naexpose sa TV, sikat. Iboboto na ang mga yan kasi nakita na ng madla, ni hindi nga natin talaga kinikilatis kung akma nga sila sa position na tinatakbuhan nila.

Sabi nga ng professor ko dati, "Advertising is a best form of lying." Di nga siya nagkamali. Nalala ko rin yung pelikulang Megiddo kung saan tinake advanatage ng nakakatandang kapatid na Stone ang kapangyarihan ng media gamit ang TV na ang youger brother niya ang pumatay sa ama nila, ngunit sa katotohanan ay siya ang may sala.Basta sa akin lang, wag kayong magpapaloko sa mga nakikita niyo.

The Urban Legend Called Simbang Gabi

2007-01-17T06:11:00.000+08:00

Tang ina ang common naman ng title nito pero kung iisipin mabuti ano ba talaga ang simbang gabi?

Gigisng ka sa umaga, sama sama kayong magpapamilya para magsimbang gabi at makining sa mabuting balita sa kapanganakan ni Kristo.

Usually ganun ang makikita noon. Ngayon iba na. At natatawa na lang ako sa nangyayari.

Bakit ka magsisimbang gabi? Para matupad ang Xmas wish mo ngayong pasko? O dahil kasama mo syota mo?

Too late for me to rant this kaso minsan ang mismong simbang gabi ay nagigiong pugad ng mga tinatawag natin na Love Birds. At di maganda implikasyon nito, lalo na nung naglabas ang commercial ng Close Up about dun: "Girl hunting during simbang gabi."

So, magsisimbang gabi ka lang pala kapag may babae no? One of the reason why I stopped being a catholic kasi matagal ko na naririnig to. Nung High School pa lang ako, magsisimba lang sila para mangchicks daw. Nawalan tuloy ako ng intersest sa religion. kaya naging ganito ako ngayon eh, di ko na sasabihin kung ano yun. Matic na yun.

Kahit ulitmong Alay Lakad tuwing semana santa iba na rin ang nakikitang motibo ng kabataan, di paghahanap ng babae kundi magiinom habang nag aalay lakad. Parang nagpapakasaya pa tayo sa halip ipaggunita ang kamatayn ni Kristo sa krus. Grabe ano? Well ganyan ang kabataang Pinoy!

Kaya minsan, natatawa na lang ako na nawawala na ang original na tradition ng mga okasyon dito sa Pinas. Salamat din sa media para sa pagpapalala.

Kung ano man ang bagong tradisyon ngayon, wala na tayong magagawa. Nagbabago yun, sa pamamaraan na di iyon kagustuhan ng mga nagiisip ng maayos.

The Pentagram of Colors

2006-11-08T03:32:00.000+08:00

Soundtrip: Solitude by Aiko Kayou

Alam niyo ba kung pano maglaro ng Magic the Gathering? Yung card game na sinasabi na may sa demonyo raw? Well di yan ang paguusapan natin mga peeps.

Kung mamapansin niyo may 5 kulay sa MTG aside sa colorless na artifacts at lands. Ito ay White, Blue, Green, Black at Red. Pero kada isang kulay ay may dalawang kakampi at dalawang kaaway na kulay. Halimabawa, ang White ay pwedeng kumampi sa Green, ngunit kaaway niya ang Red which is kakampi ng Green. Kung sa Blue naman ito kakampi, kakampi naman ng Blue ang Black which is ang Mortal na kaaway ng White. Kung iillustrate nating maigi, kung ano ang kulay na kalapit ng isang color sa magic, tiyak na ang dalawang malayong kulay ang kaaway. At ang kakampi mong kulay ay may kakampi na tiyak na kaaway mong kulay. Get's niyo?

Pero di ito ang paguusapan natin mga peeps.

Minsan may nababalitaan na lang ako na may nagkakagulo sa mga kaibigan ko. Nakikita ko kung ano ang dalawang panig at lumalapit sila sa akin. Ako naman si tanga ay bigay ng bigay ng payo tapos nalilito ka na ksi di mo alam kung sino ang kakampihan mo. Dahil kung kumampi ka man, kaaway mo na yung isa. Ngayon gets niyo na kung bakit ang hirap ng maraming kaibigan. Masarap lang yan sa una, parang sex pro magsasawa ka rin.

Naipit na ba kayo sa isang situation na ang mga kaibigan mo ay nagaawayaway at naiipit ka sa gitna? Ang hirap ng masandwich di ba? Paano ba natin ito nalulusutan? Kung sa MTG paano mo mabibigyan ng harmony ang dalawang kulay na magkaaway?

Ang sagot ay nasa bumubuo ng deck. At kung ano ang panininindigan mo.

The Relationship of Karma and Irony

2006-09-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

Mood:

Hindi ka ba nagtataka kung minsan bakit kung ano ang bagay na inaasahan natin, ang nangyayari ay kabaligtaran? Hindi ka ba nangtataka kung bakit minsan umaasa ka ng something na maganda pero pangit ang kinalalabasan? Nalilito ka na ba sa sinasabi ko pero parang nakapagbasa ka ulit ng pabula at may natututunang bago?

Minsan nakakalito talaga ang buhay, unfair nga para sa karamihan. Kaya nga gusto na ng mga suicidal na magpakamatay.(Lalo na yung mga so-called slashers. Kasi hirap na hirap na raw sila...LUL.)

Irony tawag dyan. Kung ano pa ang hinihiling natin na mangyari ay kabaliktaran pa o taliwas sa iniisip natin. Isa rin itong figure of speech. Kadalasan itong gingamit kapag gusto mong makipagplastikan (lalo na dito sa communtiy natin na 75% ay plastik). Aside pa sa irony, ang kadalasan na ginagamit na figure of speech ay metaphor (kaso hindi ito ang topic natin ngayon.). Associated din ang irony sa sarcasm, yung istilo na parang gusto mong pumuri pero nanggagago ka na rin at the same time.

"Bakit kaya minsan, kung sino pa ang mabubuti, sila pa ang nahihirapan, at kung sino naman ang may ILL will sila pa ang pinagpapala?"

Ito yung kadalasan na tanong ko sa sarili ko tuwing wala akong ginagawa. Ironic di ba? Kung tutuusin, ang karma, dapat kontrolado mo dahil ALAM mo sa sarili mo na wala kang ginagawang masama. Dapat ka nga na higit na binibiyayaan. Pero may mga tao talagang GAHAMAN sa karma na dapat ay nasa sayo. Kaya yung mga taong may ILL will ay nagagawang ang kahit anong paraan para maiiwas sa iyo ang biyaya ng good karma. Siguro alam mo weakness nila ano? Obvious naman eh.

"Wag mong isipin na tinatabla ka namin, nagkataon lang na may problema siya na aayusin namin..." Pero in fact tinataboy ka na.

"Gomenasai, no offense but..." Pero intention niya manggago.

"Kapag lalo mong iniisip yun, lalo yung mangyayari..." Pero isipin mo man o hindi, nangyayari na pala.

Gets mo ang irony? Ang sakit noh? Pero ganyan talaga ang buhay. May mga taong sadya talagang gago. May mga tao namang handang makidamay. Kaya may Irony para may challenge ang buhay natin. Kung walang irony, boring di ba?

Kaya nga minsan kahit masama ang mainggit, naiingit na ako sa mga gahaman sa good luck na panay bad intentions ang nasa isipan. Parang yung mga politko in and out of community. Kasi pati anime community pinuputakte na rin ang intriga, showbiz at politka eh. Maging ganun din kaya ako no? Wag na lang. Feeling mo kasi minsan dinadaya ka na ng mga taong nagpakilala sa iyo na "kaibigan" pero ilalaglag ka naman sa huli. May mga tao kasi na sabi nila kaibigan ka nila, tandem daw kayo, tutulungan ka nila. Pero sa huli, wala na. Parang di na nga kilala eh. Ironic di ba?

Minsan gusto mo nang magwala dahil nasasaktan na kalooban mo kaya kelangan mong ilabas kaso di mo na magawa ang mga bagay na yon dahil sa pagmimind set sa iyo na maging kalmado, di ka na makabasag pinggan. Literal. Eto yung matindi! Eh yung mga taong nangmind set pa sa iyo eh sila pa yung mga taong nagpapakilala sa iyo na kaibigan. Ironic talaga... sakit pa!!

Hay nako, the world is full of irony. Kung sino pa nga yung masama eh sila pa yung "champions" at yung mga mabubuti sila pa yung mga sinasawing palad. Kahit saan ka magpunta, nandyan talaga ang irony. Kahit di mo gustuhin kelangan mong sanayin ang sarili mo kahit na masakit. Ironic talaga, di ba?

To HELL with Vatican.

The Bakekang Syndrome

2006-09-11T03:50:00.000+08:00

Mood:

ANG PANGIT MO TANG INA MO!!

Normal mo bang maririnig yan sa araw araw na buhay natin? Malamang sa mga "di nabiyayaan" ng maayos na itsura malamang. Yung iba kimkim ang sama ng loob, yung iba, tila manhin na... pero ganun ba talaga tayong mga tao, ganap na mahilig mangalipusta kapag ang isa'y salat sa itsuara?

Kung ako ang tatanungin putsa natikman ko na ang lahat ng pasakit, di naman ako ganun uri ng montrosities pero may mga tao talagang sadyang gago. Kapag pangit ka, pangit ka, pagtatawanan, paglalaruan, gagamitin, aalipustahin etc. Lahat na ng kamalasan pwede mo nang matikman.

Akala ko nga nung una noon lang kapanahunan ni kopong kopong ginagawang laughingstock ang mga ungly ducklings. Dun pa lang nagkamali na ako. (ISANG BATOK NGA NA MALAKAS!! WAPENG!!) Hanggang ngayon pala, dala pa rin ang discrimination na pinauso ng mga banyaga sa atin noon pa. May norms kasi eh. Anong magagawa natin?

Simbahan, Media. Yan ang dalawang HAYUP na nagseset ng norms sa atin. Simbahan, kasi sila ang nagseset ng moral values sa atin. Kung hindi kaayaya, o basta kakaiba, WEIRD, masama na para sa kanila. taliwas daw yun sa kagustuhan ng "diyos" nilang tinatawag. Media, kasi dito madalas nakikita, naririnig o nararamdaman ang mga 'norms' sa ating paligid. Ultimong makakita ng ng nagpapatayan sa TV sa atin normal na yun, paano kaya kung IRL pa, di ba? Dahil dito malaking kasangkapan ang Media sa paghahatid ng information na nakakauti, ngunit kadalasan nakakasira ng moralidad (Oops, konti na lang legal na ipalabas ang HENTAI dito!!) Anong relasyon nito sa Bakekang Syndrome?

Yun na nga eh, Media. Ang kulit no? Ano ano ba ang mga imahe na ponoportray sa atin kapag nakakakita ng pangit?

Nilalait? Pinagtitripan?

Sabihin mo na kung anong gusto mong sabihin, media nagutos sa iyo eh. Sakto nga lang talaga na ipapalabas ang "Bakekang" sa hayup na GMA 7, taenang pagkakataon nga naman. (Tagal ko na kasing gumawa ng topic tunkol dito, ehehehe.) Ano ba ang pinapakitang ginagawa nila sa pangit? Di ba binubuhusan ng tubig, sinasabunutan, verbal abuse to the max... [insert random witchcraft here...] Kaya anong implikasyon nito sa atin? Siya rin natin itong ginagawa sa IRL [In Real Life]. Tayo ang personification ng media... kahit aminin man natin o hindi. Kaya minsan di na lang ako nagsasalita...

Ang sama diba? Bakit may pangit ba na artista? Syempre, kadalasan nga lang naman eh yung mga nabibigyan ng roles kung saan 'kawawa' sila. Kahit naman dito sa cosplay world eh.

"Uy tignan mo ang lupit oh? Daring!!"

Yan ang masasabi natin kapag UBER sexy yung cosplayer, yung talagang mapapanganga ka, mapapanosebleed, mapapajakjakjak... [kahit sa banyo mapapagpapantasyahan XD] Di ba? Normal yan. Kasi MAGANDA siya. {Uy ang ganda...}

"TANG INA DI BAGAY SA KANYA KINOCOSPLAY NIYA"

Ito yung mga banat ng mga fan boys kapag nakakakita ng mga coslayer na nagkakalat. Eto lang ang di nila magets: Dude, cosplaying is really meant for fun, not for fame. Kahit ba di bagay bakit ba anong paki mo? {Ay di pala...}

"Eh Tang ina kasi ang pangit niya eh!! Akala mo bagay sa kanya!!"

Usual reactions talaga ganyan. Kawawa naman yung mga cosplayers na nilalait dahil sa Bakakeng Syndrome na isinalpak sa kokote ng media sa atin... hay... Kaya pala agaw agaw ang mga cosplayers para manalo, di na to basta katuwaan lang, garapalang kompetensya na... kaya nga nagtataka akong kung ano kaya ang nararamdaman ng mgacosplayers na higit na nababackstab. Weirdo na nga ang tingin sa kanila ng iba eh. Because they are doing it for fun.

Fun? Where's the fun? Tis' ain't funny anymore...

Kaya eto lang. Minsan na akong nabiktima ng mga katulad na karanasan. Yung mapatalsik ka sa dahil di "raw" bagay sa yo yung character na kinocosplay mo. Eto yung malupit!! Pati yung costume, napilitan kong ipahiram dahil sa "lakas" nila!! Panay perpeksyonista na yata ang natitira sa cosplay community ngayon eh... nawala na yung "tunay" na essence ng cosplaying.

Siguro hanggang dito na muna ako baka maban ba kasi ako dahil sa talamak na censorship, mahirap na ang maMTRCB.

Politika at Barkadahan

2006-09-06T15:52:00.000+08:00

Mood:

Paano ba masisira ang isang samahan?Ako bilang observer sa mga bagay sa paligid, sa akin lang gasgas na ang mga ganyang strategy. Yung someone will get your asses out from a particular group? That's what I call politics. Pero paano nga ba nahahati ang isang grupo sa dalawa?

Ganito lang yan:

Una, may magsusuggest ng VIP status. Maari itong manggaling sa mga bumuo ng group, ilang mga naunang members o kaya naman sa mga atribidang members.

Ikalawa, dito na mabubuo ang discrimination. Dahil feel ng mga "elite" members na iba sila sa mga newbies or mga last batch, dito na iiral ang alitan.

Ikatlo, dito na mangyayari ang tension. Elitista laban sa mga inferior members. Minsan sa malas ng inferior members, isa lang lagi ang napapagbalingan ng pansin, o isa lang lagi ang nabubully sa group.

Ikaapat, rebellion. Dito sa stage na to mahahati sa dalawa ang group (Or kung malas ng isang member na yun, considered na siya na "tablado"). Malas naman ni boy, hanap ulit ng bagong set of friends! Nyahahah!!

Kaya nga gasgas na para sa akin yang move na ganyan, kasi I have been into four set of friends dati. At may nagbabanta pang panglima. Swerte ko ano, kaya nga aalis na rin ako sa community na within five years, para alam kong may sasalo sa akin kung magkakaganun nga. Kaya nga di ako nagtitiwala ng basta kahit kanino. Dahil kapag nagitiwala ka, ikaw lang ang masasaktan sa huli. Gets?

The Seven Vials

2006-07-24T07:50:00.000+08:00

Mood:

First Vial:

I was submitting my blog with Roy, Ric and VJ. Then that weekend was my first Antonov Session attended and accidentally I got myself a hideous girlfriend whom I accepted as a whole at the dawn of the day right after the Sabbath.

Second Vial:

The 4th TOYCON was held at Megamall this Sabbath and I don again the High Priestess outfit from Ragnarok Online. There were no drinking spree sessions for the event takes place for two days. The second day I was on Dearka Elthman outfit but unfortunately I never make it up for registration. My bad.

Third Vial:

Just a plain EB on that Sabbath. Nothing special. We head directly to Ric’s place to hang out for the day. It was rainy the next day. That very Monday, VJ let me stay to his place. I appreciate it a lot.

Fourth Vial:

The Pinoycosplay Picnic was held during this Sabbath at the side of Mall of Asia at the side of the Manila bay. The weather wasn’t that fine and it rained hard. But as the rain stops, the sun gives us the go signal to continue the picnic. And right after the picnic, we were invited by Mr. Fart the Photographer to his place to hang out. The next day I left earlier than the rest for the Kujuu Muttsu film shooting, having fun with new found friends. An assassin turned gay?

Fifth Vial:

It was J-Music Fuzion this Sabbath. I heard a lot of futile and potential J-Rockers. Then right after, Spook, Yui’s friend invited us to his place. All of seventeen of us fitted on the two by two meter room he has. The next day was Sora’s birthday, so we head back to SM North the very morning for her and to her place.

Sixth Vial:

My GF and I went to her training then we head to Megamall were everyone was waiting. It was RJ’s Birthday and we greeted him. After few hours altogether they went to his place leaving us behind. I felt a hidden agenda from my hunch, but well, we went to Galas instead and drank with Shawn instead, unraveling some revelations that weren’t pleasant though. That very Tuesday I return to his place and got a little disturbed by his investigation results. The results were exactly contrasting my GF’s investigation, as she told me the next Thrusday. Now I have a doubt and the feeling of unworthiness, uneasiness and faithlessness building inside my temple. What made me felt this way?

Seventh Vial:

Till this very day uneasiness lurks beside my shadows as I went to Shawn’s place that Sabbath. Then we went to Megamall and meet up with the rest of the community people. The very detestable of people were there too, but didn’t hang for long, and that includes the Heretic Priest and one of the two people that that ruined my life force three years ago. As the night grows old, we went to VJ’s place for a drink with some of the TIGAS people. The next day we parted ways, I need to go home.

By the Fifth Sabbath I have heard news that the folks that ruined my life would be organizing a massive event at August. That was next month already. The Core of Dark Arts has returned from the shallow graves of Hades. And I also smell this certain hidden agenda just for me, or it was just me? I don’t know if my hunch was correct that they are preparing a dish just for me, like inviting the Christian concept of a diabolical creature just to bring me down again for good (or evil), putting me into spotlight and removing the very epicenter of my soul. Those people from the past that would place malice in every step I take. I don’t want to remember them, I don’t want to see them but they are just right in front of me, and they may laugh sarcastically, tearing out my reputation and dignity. And that would happen next month… they are the organizers and they have the power to do everything.

This problem of mine is deeply psychological, maybe I got traumatize because of their abuses towards me. My expressions were very exaggerated as I know it, because of the pain they brought to me in the past three years were digging into the very foundations of my sanity. Now there were two things left to be proven: JV’s Realism and Shawn’s Idealism. Two opposing point of views and me got stuck in between.

JV would be right if no one would save me from drowning when I was put into spotlight. If he would be right, then I will never trust again.

Shawn would be correct if he or somebody jumps in to save me. If he does, maybe I should think more positively.

These options were waiting for me to choose till that very day.

Trilogy of the Four Sabbaths

2006-06-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

Mood:

I found myself struggling in the obstacles I have met along the way. It was too late for me to realize that the Pandora's Box was unleashed.

For almost a month, the Wonderland was left in dust and dirt with no one left to keep it. Four Sabbaths went unrecorded in history.

First Sabbath: Pandora's Box

We are on a war. The warriors of Genbu from the North went to the Central to confront the warriors of Kohryu without hesitations.

It was Monday. I went to Nash's place to hang out for a moment with Ron then I stopover to Galas, excitedly, with a box full of Magic: the Gathering Trading Cards. It was an urgent that Shawn told me that Harold's father departed. We went to the funeral along with Yui and Karl. Then we met the others who attended and decided to play poker. It just happened that I reminded Karl about the cards that made him abusing me verbally. I confronted him to stop it and tell me the reason behind. He continues to involve my mother in his verbal attacks. On that moment, I have lost my trust on him totally. Then later I found out the reason from his brother Shawn: Karl borrowed the decks from his friends (those were with us that funeral) long ago and never returned it, possibly he pawned them. I just let if fly for the while as Karl discusses his real reason why he start to insult Theresa and Liz harshly. He is ruining his own image for that he know that Theresa is so good to be true and hence, he want his brother to be with her instead of him. I just recalled what Karl told me months ago that Chess is a game of patience that you can leave and return when you finally figure out your next move. Maybe he just did the same thing in this situation. He just wanted Theresa to stay away from him in the first place and think of a resolution for almost half a year to renew his image. Then we grew tired for the day and we went home, without me thinking of sharing the cards anymore. I finally lost my self esteem again.

Sabbath's finally comes. We met each other in SM North with Shawn and the others. Then we transfer. And now the argument should be discussed as soon as we came to the Central of Japanese Pop Civilization in the poor country of Philippines. We were finally meet other in Megamall.

I was one of the people who was hoping to witness the unleashing the Pandora's Box. An open forums must be discussed. A lot of problems and confrontations was supposedly to take place during that Sabbath. It was not my fight alone, but also the fight of the many of us. There was also an event occurring in simultaneously. That was the EB or get together of the Pinoycosplay members. Then we take a sit. We introduced a lot of newbies to the other members, the Pinoycosplayers to the Clan Gamers. There was a lot of things happening and coincides with each other.

It was about to start when Sonar gathered the Admins and Mods of GC, driving the ordinary GC members away including me. And they discussed about the current situation in GC, as if they know the real consequences and concerns: Luna left GC, then there is a fire in two fan's corners that needed firemen, A plot to destroy GC and a lot more. It was too late for me to know. Project Armageddon was forged.

While they were plotting for the project, I have talked to Louis for some of the concerns. About Luna and the others. I found out from him about the real reason why she left, hating us. Then he discussed about another problem. At first he denies to mention his name and finally I made him say who he was. It was Waloz. As Waloz's friend and knows him more, I told him that he won't do anything harmful and encouraged him to talk to him with me as the mediator. So we did. It came fine. I was very glad and Louis was very thankful as I know it. It was a simple pleasure that I enjoyed.

Minutes pasts. The concern people, Mopsy, Tanya and Theresa patiently waits for the Open Forums to begin. They waited in vain for nothing. Nothing at all. They failed to open the Pandora's Box. They went back to SM North frustrated. I wanted to stay more in Megamall so I did for a cause, Erika. Kitchie Nadal look-alike. She's charming. I felt an attachment towards her. She's one of the person that I entertain and introduced to the fellow GC members and Pinoycosplayers. I walk her till she reaches for the ride home. I finally found my inspiration. Then I went with the Megapeeps, and hangs with the GC's Christ scavenging food for Noel. We were very excited for the next week.

I logged in GC to found out that it was on the purging process. The Project Armageddon was implemented. An online Marshall Law.

Second Sabbath: The Gates of Suzaku

The forces of Suzaku were crashing down. The seal was finally broken as the invading Warriors of Genbu, Seiryuu and Kohryu rampaged through.

Tessa sends me a SMS message. She said that she's going to burrow the dreaded Yukito costume from me because her boyfriend Rocky wants to cosplay for once. And the Kalina Ann for Lexy that I am working on were almost done.

Then the second Sabbath came. I came to Megamall wearing only ordinary clothing: A elvish green T-shirt Noel has given me and a maong pants. I brought the costume which Tessa asks for. Along with Saoyran's Staff that only appeared from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles manga. I asks her if it would be OK if she would pay me. The costume is for rent. Of course I have given her a good deal. If Rocky was the one who would use it, then he can make a Pancit Canton Bento for us as a payment. Instead, she told me she can treat me lunch for it was her birthday within the past days. The deal was close. Then Shawn was with the most of the Megapeeps, with Andrew and the gang, propagating a new club that counters Yui's T. I. I. S. (stands for Tang Ina Single Ako which stands for Motherfuck! I am still single!!). And that was T. I. R. A. (Tang Ina Rapist Ako. And it means Motherfuck!! I'm a rapist!!). I gave them a hard laughter. It was Shawn and Andrew's idea and they want me to make a Club inside GC that bears the name. Of course, the meaning of T. I. R. A. must remain confidential (Unless you are reading my blogs). Nothing more were interesting on that except I challenge Josh to a Magic Duel and I lost to him consecutive times. I think I have a very slow deck and I need to reconstruct it. Then after the Duel, we went back and found the most were gone, including Shawn and the Galas Bois. You can count the leftovers with the fingers of an embryo: Aaron, Josh, Andrew, Joe, Castro, me and some others. Then we decided to transfer to Shangri-La. Some parted and the only one remained was me and Castro. Then we saw the other Megapeeps there, Noel, Vee Jay, Alphonse and his brother Ian. Then Castro plays Tekken 5 Dark Resurrection, as the most of us enjoyed upskirting Lili. Oh yeah.

Tomorrow is a big day.

I encountered only a few problems in getting to the biggest mall in Asia. That day after the Sabbath was the opening of the SM Mall of Asia at the edge of EDSA, near the Manila Bay. There was an event the cosplayers were looking forward to that's going on Toy Kingdom. And that was the registration for the National Cosplay Competition.

Nash sends me SMS to stay connected to me. She arrived a little bit earlier and she's with Shawn and the others. At last I have come and started to change into my High Priestess from RO costume. Marlon, a young Naruto cosplayer was with me, he'll color his hair yellow for the event. We went to the comfort room to change. After he does his hair, I asked him to help me change, because some parts of the costume was so difficult to attach, especially the lacy lingerie for the stockings. There were also some power failures occurring at the Mall's opening that slows our time. Gladly I have my small flashlight. After the costumes I went for the hair. Most of the men that went inside the comfort room freaked out. On with the event.

Almost everyone was there, except to some. It was one of the biggest cosplay gathering I have ever seen. The well-established polymers were there, standing as the event marshals and organizers. Then I registered then hanged out with almost everyone. The Galas Bois, Megapeeps, Nash, Madi, Erika, the Northern Guys and some others. It takes me quite long before my turn came in photo shoot. Reasons was my lateness and Karlonne's grand Freedom Gundam consume a lot of time. I just couldn't believe he does the Gundam costume alone. I was very happy for him. Then after that, I was looking for Tessa because of our deal. I couldn’t find her so I just waited with the others. Then the fun begins right after the Official Photo shoot. The cosplayers took pictures of each other, posing. Of course, Yaoi and Yuri was not left behind. Nash and Madi does some yuri that excites the guys and Yui as Kira Yamato from Gundam Seed Destiny does yaoi for fan girls with Karl as Alucard from Castlevania, Lye as Luffy from One Piece and some of the Pinoycosplayers. The controversial Mall of Asia Scandal occurred as Lye begins on upskirting me, or let's say molesting or raping me. I just laughed my asses out. Look, Ma! Luffy the Monkey was raping a High Priestess!! ><

Hours of happiness passes by and then it was becoming late. Group pictures of GC and PC was taken. Erika was good as sleepless so I have to comfort her from her insomnia. Then we all decided to go take a walk around the mall. But we voted as we came to the bayside. The vote favors the bayside instead of the walking around. Everyone was tired so we did go by the sea and take some rest. We were having fun by listening to each others story. Erika was with me and we talked about various things like studying. Yui bragged in our conversation telling me that we are having a heart to heart talk. I just smile. He knows what I am doing. It was getting very late so we decide to pack up. There was supposedly a drinking session but it was postponed. So we have to go home. I went with Erika escorting her home. Along the way I lend her my shoulder for support. She's got weary enough for the day. Even Shawn smirks at me as he knows that I am fallen for her. Shawn and I parted in Shaw Boulevard. I was still with Erika. We continue to chat going home. Showers gradually begins to till the ground that I never expected it to happen. I walk her home and finally I have confess my feelings for her. She told me that she deny all of her suitors for studying and I understand. But I always wanted her to know that I like her. I won't give up on her, even if I would wait for her. Then we parted our ways.

The day was finally over as the rain pours from above.

Third Sabbath: The Remaining Days

It was very late when all of us realize that the real enemy was the most ancient god. But does it really Kohryu or someone was behind all of this?

It was Monday, I was invited by Ayen for the Kujuu Mutsu, where they need more manpower again. So I did come at SM North. I saw Roy there, and he's almost wasted in waiting. He told me that he came from UP where the shooting would supposedly to take place. Instead, Ayen send him an SMS saying that the shooting for the morning was cancelled and Ronald, our director would come at SM North around two in the afternoon. So he went at the Mall and almost sleep there the whole day in waiting. Then we waited patiently for Ronald, until Jonathan came. Few minutes later, Ronald came. We also saw Rocky and invited him to come with Tessa but they did not. I reminded Tessa about the borrowing fee, but she didn't reply. I feel the old ancient breeze that I buried long ago awakening. Something evil. So there we go to UP.

We arrive at passed four. Then we immediately began on shooting footages. I have assisted Ronald for the camera. He his our director yet he have a role in the 1910 setting. I take footages of their fight and some scenes. It was fun that I learn a lot of things that I could use in the future. Then I finally have myself on as a shadow warrior that Jonathan would kill. I appeared three time to make a trick that Jonathan was fighting three shadow warriors. I died three times ~.^. It was getting and late that the camera couldn't sense any light anymore. But at least we get the hang of it. The day was over and before we go, we went to SM North to grab a bite, Ronald's treat. I decided to go with Roy and hang a bit with him. We went to Megamall with Ronald. He has a meeting with the Otakuzine staffs, and he was the Official Photographer of the National Cosplay Competition last Sunday. After handing the CD with the staffs, I, Ronald and Roy went with Mr. Fart or Irving. Then he treat us Chicken Stake. We talk about Mike Abundo's action of stealing Mr. Fart's photographs and Mike Abundo cLyems that it was his. He even uses Alodia and Jerry's (the top cosplayers in the Philippines) Pictures without their consent for his website. After the rubbish about Mike Abundo, Ronald shows our footages that we did earlier and have a great time. He even gives us a ride home. After reaching Roy's place, I decided to hang for a moment with Sonar and Roy, playing with cats, watches a kitten being molested by a bobcat and talk about the Silent Hill movie. Then I went home.

Ayen sends me another SMS message on my celphone. She asks me if I could bring some props as weapons. So I did come. It was Friday.

I waited long at the usual place in SM North. Yet no one came. So I called Karlonne and told me to come over right away. After the call, I waited a little more and then left the building. Fortunately, I meet Ronald with Shela or Kuri along the Monumento Bridge. So all together went to Karlonne's place and began on shooting. Shela's quite talkative and she's funny. After the shooting we all have a great time. They went home and I went to see Mark Setsuna, but he was not at home. So I decided to go home. I visited my brother on his work at the bar near our place and got an extra. Just like I need.

I logged into GC and saw the mess Theresa has told me. About Mopsy's explosion and Maui's power struggle against the members. I posted my opinions and made another time bomb. Who says that the Parinigan Booth wouldn't be established anymore? I just did. Tee-hee. It was such a miracle for me that I remained placid and made my very first wise move during the chaotic hours of GC. Usually I added fuel to the fire. I felt renewed.

The Sabbath finally comes. I brought the costume like Roy told me. But he didn't wear it geez. I brought also some chocolates and shared them with the GC. Then Karl approached me and told me something about the guitar that his friends from Galas were leaving him. As If I should listen to him. Karma was working now on my side like the Oracle of the Cards did tell me. He now goes with the flirting noobs. Then I went to Time Zone for some action. The Remaining was complete along with the new members. Undertaker or Azaka and Bismarque, Jam's so called twin. Then finally Shawn arrived with Theresa and talked about Mopsy's grudge inside the forums. Again Sonar and Shawn kicked me out from the conversation, but I must not be left out. Mopsy is my friend and she's also my concern. After the talk, Jam begins on talking to Sonar about the concern of Maui's power tripping. Also as a member of The Remaining, I joined Jam and the rest. I am doing this also as a citizen of GC. I shouldn't be left be neglected anymore. Each of us discussed our opinions with the God of Gamer Clan. Jam delivers Maui's power trippings that intimidated the newbies like Undertaker and Bismarque. He even handed him a print out of Maui's posted message concerning the subject matter. And now I used my Big Brother powers against Sonar and I insisted that he must listen to me because our forums were the real concern. I told right in his face that the Project Armageddon and Rebirth was totally useless. Plus he must talk to Kei and Maui about the GC members' concern. And that's it. I was supposed to come to Deluriane's Place for her Birthday Bash, but instead I waited Edama. Then he came but we cannot leave immediately. He is waiting for Mike because he ordered him Anime CDs. Then while waiting, Aaron and I played with Magic Cards. I lost many times. Pretty slow deck I have. He borrowed decks from Josh and tried them out. Pretty powerful, and the match ended up in two against none. There was also a draw. Now I have to assemble my deck again. While playing Noel, Elise, Edama and Josh was looking at the Newtype Magazines I borrowed from Edama and talked about cosplaying. And they all laughed in my Green jokes due my hyperactivity that day. I put malice into everything. I even played Magic with a Yu-Gi-Oh battle sheet. After that, Noel, Veejay and I looked for some Magic Cards in Comic Alley. Fortunately I have bought some cheap but powerful cards. Then There goes the Remaining. With Edama and me, we made fun of the High Priestess costume I wear as Edama wears his Acolyte costume. And made a funny photo shoot at some animal rides. It was so funny. We even tripped over the Naked Guy cross-stitch on the frame. Bismarque and I talked about some sort of things including my recent problems. I realize then that I felt much comfortable with the Remaining. With Jam, Barbie, Limuel and Mindy. Now with Bismarque and Edama. They seem to be more interesting. Then we met Roy, Noel, Veejay and Alphonse at the usual spot at the side of Shangri-la. The most of the Remaining went home and Edama stayed with us. Edama and I talked about her. The girl who left. I was so careless to elaborate my affections towards her. Good for Edama, he can talk to her even though she loathed the most of GC. And one good thing, she was on the recovery stage, like he said. I was so glad. And then we went home after some few hours.

The next day I went early to Gateway Mall for the Gundam Seed Destiny group cosplay voice recording to found no one was there waiting. I immediately went back home after loading my phone and talking to Cheska.

Forth Sabbath: The Disciple of Malice

...It was very late for us to find out that Kohryu himself was corrupting everything... and now the end was impending near.

Monday, another Kujuu Mutsu shooting would take place again in Notre Dame School in Monumento. I went to SM North, were we will all meet. I met Karl, Yui and Rocky. And now we after playing some arcade games, we hurriedly came down to food court. Shela was waiting, and good thing Sonar also came along. And now we shall wait for Ronald, our director. After a couple of hours, Ronald came and now we altogether went to Karlonne's place.

It was such a miracle that Mark Setsuna, Potpot and Jaypee were with us, and on spectator mode. Tessa, Aaron (The Boss, not the Aaron whom I play Magic with) and Jacob also appears. At Notre Dame School occurred a problem. We cannot take photo shoots immediately. The Head departed from the said school and now the assistant is having problems in finding the papers. Then they would talk about the papers first. Ronald was supposed to postpone, but Tessa made a way. With Ayen, they went to St. Mary's Academy, were she spent her High School days. Without any efforts, we were able to begin the shooting at the said school without any difficulties, in spite the night is approaching fast. Then we must make also the shooting fast. First was Yui and Yui's fight. It was so cool. Ronald even makes a mistake by shooting the scene that was not on the script, and that was Rocky killing Yui with Yui's own sword. I teased Yui about this and we laugh. Yui's fangirls will grow angry at Rocky when they see this. Tee-hee. Then we began our scene with Karl and DJ, Ayen's cousin. It was fun but night is approaching fast, we must transfer to a lighted-up corridor. Then some scenes then there I go, I died for the fifth time since the assassinated politician. I just smiled and laugh after that, teasing Ayen what would be my next reincarnation. It was fun. After my scene, I saw Tessa wandering around her old school. Then at the time we leave, we checked first the video. Sonar was so shocked to see his own smile very disturbing. For me it was quite disturbing and yet very impressive. Then we dropped by at SM North again. Tessa and Rocky went to Quantum to play arcade games while Ronald treated us Chicken Stakes. Then we left with him, sending Tessa SMS we're leaving. After riding the MRT and jeepney that leads to Pasig, we parted from Ronald and I came with Sonar to his place. We climb the stairs to heaven. Then Roy appears after some few minutes. Then we talked and talked but it didn't last long. Sonar was very tired he needed to take a break and Roy has something to do. Then I left.

My mom woke me up one day and invited me to join her in a facial session. Then after treating my skin, I ask her that I wanted to watch The Da Vinci Code. So I did, munching my fave snack then I bought some Magic Cards in packs that cost around PHP 10.00. The next day I found out my jaw was aching dew to munching a lot of snacks last night. I went to work that night at the bar and Jong invited me to drink with his friends. Too bad I passed out when they decided to table some girls. I felt stupid.

The next day I woke up on the bar I use to work to. Around nine in the morning I left the bar and walk home. There is a swimming event today. I arrive at Louis' place in Pasig by twelve in the afternoon. Just in time to enjoy the swimming. There were also Pinoycosplayers, Ryan, Lye, Neil, Nilo, Lexy, Jeff and a lot more. From GC we have Mr. Fart, Karl, Yui, Kei, Roy, Sonar, and a lot more including a new member Peeps. For hours we enjoyed swimming, snacks and drinks. It was fun. By five in the afternoon we need to pack up. Lexy then gave me her down payment then altogether we go ride home, unfortunately, it rained hard, immobilizing out tricycle and drenching us in rain water. After we get to the terminal, we rode an FX Taxi and went to Megamall. The traffic was also heavy. We waited for long inside the FX Taxi wet and suffering from the air conditioner's coldness. I catch a cold. Yeah. I was with Kei, Peeps and Cholo. We waited for his dad to pick us up and I stayed over his place for an hour. Then he told me how to get home from his place so I could visit him anytime. Finally I went home.

The next day was Sabbath. I brought Lexy's finished Kalina Ann to her place, and now I felt like visiting Shawn, so I did. Then we came together to SM North. There we meet up with Cheska at Quantum. After an hour, Theresa was not still there. Shawn started to get worried. Then Jetro came and some familiar figures started to appear. Shawn and I decided to go to Mopsy's place to see if Theresa was there. In sheer luck we met them descending at the footbridge. Shawn was a bit annoyed. All of them, Mopsy, Tanya, Theresa and her sister Christine wear gowns as if they were attending a formal party. They were on Kikay mode, they say. Then we return to Quantum. There were Ziv, Hans and some of the guys I use to chat when the Guilty Gear group cosplay was still intact. I was wondering, I cannot control my mouth when I was talking to Ziv, as if I was lively. Funny, I felt strange. But that's a good sign. Then we were supposedly to play Dungeons and Dragons at SM North be Cheska and I wants to go to Megamall for we will meet with someone. Whether they like it or not, most of them were forced to come with us. I told them that we will be going against all the odds. Finally we were at Megamall. There were a lot Pinoycosplayers and GC members at the food court. Somehow most of the north people felt irritated as I know it. Then we began playing Dungeons and Dragons at the food court. Damn guard, still scrutinizing us so we were force to transfer. It was a good thing Edama and Mr. Fart was interested in joining in, which really favors Me and Shawn. Mr. Fart also treated us Chicken Steaks. Then we began to play. Cheska became to party leader. And her job was a porn star. Good thing we were freely to customize our characters. I inspired my character to look like Silas from The Da Vinci Code. Since Edama and I were both monks, I copied his skills, because I heard that he is a more experience DnD player. The situation was really funny, the bubbly Cheska really cracks things up that made the campaign funny. Then after few hours, we must resume it sometime. Then we return to Club Synergy were most of the Pinoycosplayers and GC Members hangs. I even played Magic with Mr. Fart. and lost three times. He has such a powerful and fast deck. After playing he suggested me to add some lands. Then I realize that I must reconstruct my deck. Then we went up to Glico's at the fifth floor, were the most of them sings at KTVs. They were supposedly to come to Jeff's place to drink. Since my destination was different, I told Yui that I would join the Galas session tonight. So I left with Shoji, upon hearing that Markel left.

We came early, just before they began drinking. While I was eating snacks, Shawn talked to me about some private matters like relationship problems. Then as we saw the most of us were coming and ready to drink, we came along. We started the session. Gin with Island Lime was the subject. While drinking, Shawn and I continue our conversation about some future plans. Then they began on strumming on the guitars. The topic about the lost guitar was brought up. While they were talking about the failures of bandmaking and compositions, I made them listen to my composition "She Hates Us All" that Dante work on the chords immediately. I was so glad. The piece was finally completed. Then we all laughed as we all begin speaking like cleft palettes. As the morning draws near, we need to pack up and I need to go home. At last.

Finally I was able to update the records. It was very hard, I encountered a lot of obstacle, and now, I feel very cool. I don't know what would this new week or month would bring. And now, I have a new project, and that was Edward Elric's Automail, right after the Kalina Ann. Now I am finished writing the Records of Wars and now I am going to begin on the Prophecy of the End and the Gospel of the Second Magdalene. I'll see you in Hell.

The world will be destroyed to purify the dark hearts of men, and for the most worthy of gods to begin a new generation of faithful seeds. So mote it be.

Stray Cat

2006-05-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

Mood:

The whole week, I almost never came out of the house. Just to surf the next, update blogs, and even went to the store.

I was busy with Lexy’s props still. It’s almost there and getting the most of it. The Sabbath last time was the most boring. First thing I saw was the PinoyCosplay people with Aaron and Arikado. Then one by one the GC people came. Anu treated them for a Pizza. Then soon everyone follows. For that whole day in Megamall, we got stuck in Club Synergy, playing Drummania and Guitar Freaks. We played at Jeff, so we let him wear Shobe’s Gothic Lolita dress. Then we made fun of him as he made fun of himself. Then after that, I am going to pack it then Tessa approach me saying, “It fits Jeff very nice”, as if she’s trying to say that it doesn’t suit on me. My sense came into power but I keep my eye on something else to get myself undistracted. If I would think of it, I will become troubled. But I know she’s trying to say that. Nevermind. Then the most of northern people left and head to SM North. I stayed a little bit, having a plan to go to Lexy’s place for she told me she would come to Megamall, but she did not. Arikado told me that she has a slight fever so I have made up my mind. I xeroxed JBob’s version of The Ecchi High Priestess that I look forward to and I would color in the future when I am vacant and waited long at the bookstore for the photocopy. After that I looked for Yui to inform him if he’s going to come along. I saw him but he declined. He will stay with the PinoyCosplay people a little more. So I head alone myself. I played a little bit, wearing Kei’s Trench Coat and Shobe’s Gothic Lolita dress inside, I went to the train station with them. To hell with it, I don’t mind what people say, but the heat. Until I reach SM North, Quantum arcade. I took them off, and I saw Karl’s disgusted reactions because of I wear the dress. Yeah I know it from the very beginning. They are just like that… what would happen if I reacted negatively. To hell with it. Then after getting fired up at the Drummania and Guitar Freaks and talking some little bit, they went home. The bus is taking long so they are talked about the Mistress. I heard a lot of words full of crap about her. Keeping myself cool, I inform them that we must speak up to her and it would be her lost if she won’t listen, at least we did our job as a friend. Of course, they tried to put down some of my explanations and I have insisted my own. The Tessa and I rode the same Aircon bus and went to Lexy’s place.

I almost got lost and head the opposite. At last I found it, after an another jeep ride going to Caloocan’s City Hall. Then I met up with her, giving her the apples that could aide her wellness. Unfortunately, she has given the copy of the Canon’s details to Karl so she told me that she’ll send it to my E-mail. Then I left as soon as possible, then she send me a message that was so flattering that I couldn’t accept. Well that’s a compliment however. I went back to Monumento to look for Mark, but I can’t find him anywhere. Then I saw the other Mark (There were Mark Hentai that’s not him, and another two, I was looking for Mark Setsuna) at the usual place, then we look for him together. But still we can’t find him. So after taking sometime to rest at the place, we went home, sending me to the bus station. As we go home, he saw his cat.

“Look, it’s my cat. This stray cat usually does not stay at home, but he always went back home when it’s late. You can pat him, he won’t bite.”

I found myself a little related to the Stray Cat. I always want to go away for some time but still want to go back, as long as I have a home to return to. Make sense.

So I did come back home. It’s odd that during Sabbath, I rarely come home on the same day. I usually does come home a day after or another. I take my dinner as my brother’s friends came along and watched Hostel. Then after the show, I read the book I read usually and take the slumber.

The next day I did some house chores and wash the Kei’s Trench Coat and Shobe’s dress, both heavily soaked with sweat. Then I posted in the Gamer Clan Forums and reached another one hundred post, enough to satisfy me.

This is the most boring weekend I ever have. Maybe I could begin working again on the canon on Wednesday, I got an appointment tomorrow in Nash’s place and Jeff would treat us on Tuesday. Then the next Sabbath, I would try to come to Deluriane’s Birthday, with my Ex to contact if ever I get lost.

Logging Out.

The "We'll Call You" Syndrome

2006-05-02T04:38:00.000+08:00

Mood:

I went to JV’s place and have because I have something to burn. I included new mangas and new a program for Sonar. That was the Coffee Cup GIF Animator. Knowing that I am playing Magic: the Gathering, we decided to find his trash cards. Then he provided me his toolbox full of Magic Trading Cards. I bought them home the I have checked them the next day.

And still working on Lexy’s Props, the Kalina Ann. Still having trouble, I don’t have a drill plus my dad provided me a nail-like thing called ribits that can be use aside from screws (I also need screws, for the finalization and design...).

Then Wednesday, I was forced to apply as a crew in Jollibee, Farmers Cubao. My brother’s friend and him will return the next day while I hear the dreaded ‘We’ll call you’ phrase. Yeah I know I don’t like working with fast food restaurants, yet I need to swallow my pride. Let’s put it this way, I’ll earn.

Sabbath, at last. It was when the much anticipated event, The Ongaku Sessions will take place at Harmony Bar. We gather first at Megamall once again. Some people were missing most probably they would come from SM North. Also, Shobe came and told me about the interview. I ask Radius to come with me, since he’s also in need of a job. First, Kei and I, along with Ace and Shobe went to smoke, though Shobe never smokes. There at the parking lot at the second floor, Shobe and Kei played with her video cam, as Kei acting like he’s possessed by Satan and advertises Yakult. Then we return and fetched Radius, we gotta go and would follow up later at the Ongaku Sesions.

There at the said Internet Café, I.T. Log Park, Radius did his resume as we answer our test papers for the Job Interview. It take me long to answer all, because I did a long essay on almost all of the situation problems. Radius and Shobe head to her house because she’s hungry, risking that she may not able to return with us to Ongaku Sessions. I followed them later as I finish the examinations. There as I came to her residence, Radius continues to make his resume and Shobe introduces us to her scrap book. Then she took out her Gothic Lolita dress that she mentioned earlier. Good thing, she lend the said dress to me so we can have a photo shoot in our place. I was thinking at Crestview near Julius’ house, my brother’s friend. I remember that there is an almost hillside view with plenty of grasses. Then we returned back to the internet café for the final interview. It was a big surprise to here that they are hiring only one. Plus the dreaded phrase ‘We’ll call you’ again. Ouch. Right after the interview, we head back straight to Harmony Bar.

Nobela by Join The Club

Ngumiti kahit na napipilitan
Kahit pa sinasadya
Mo akong masaktan paminsan-minsan
Bawat sandali na lang
Tulad mo ba akong nahihirapanLalo’t naiisip ka
Di ko na kaya pa na kalimutan
Bawat sandali na lang

At aalis magbabalik
At uuliting sabihin
Na mahalin ka’t sambitin
Kahit muling masaktan
Sa pag-alis
Ako’y magbabalik
At sana naman

Sa isang marikit na alaala’y
Pangitaing kay ganda
Sana nga’y pagbigyan
Na ng tadhana
Bawat sandali na lang
Sumabay sa biglang pagkabahala’t
Lumabis ang pagtataka
Tunay na pagsintang di alintana
Bawat sandali na lang

At aalis magbabalik
At uuliting sabihin
Na mahalin ka’t sambitin
Kahit muling masaktan
Sa pag-alis
Ako’y magbabalik
At sana naman

Ngumiti kahit na napipilitan
Kahit pa sinasadya
Mo akong masaktan paminsan-minsan
Bawat sandali na lang

At aalis magbabalik
At uuliting sabihin
Na mahalin ka’t sambitin
Kahit muling masaktan
Sa pag-alis
Ako’y magbabalik
At sana naman

As we walk, we came across Yui, Karl, Sonar and the rest. Unfortunately, they were going home. I couldn’t stop them, they have an appointment for tomorrow. Then I saw the GC gang, and the most of them don’t want to enter or go up again. They said it was tremendously hot upstairs so as far as I’m concern about my budget, I never go up. I see the people I expected to see; Mark, Aki, Luna and the rest of the GC. The most loathsome people were also there, unfortunately. After sometime hanging around, Radius, Alphonse and the most of us who plays Drummania went to Promenade far, far away. It took us quite long to get there. As we arrive, we saw the PPF peeps playing there as expected. I also joined in, using Radius’ Time Zone Card. We were almost finished in our turns as Jeff approached us saying that everyone at the Bar has left! What? The Event ended up already? He said almost everyone went home and also that Luna won the cosplay competion. Just as I though earlier, in her gorgeous Mana costume (Mana was once a member of a disbanded J-rock band Malice Mizer.). Then he fetches me to get my things in Aaron’s car. So I did. We ran out of time so we decide to return. As we walk back, a very long walk again, I saw Sento in a 7 Eleven store. I ask him if there is still anyone at the Bar. He said, yes and they were returning back. So we decided to go inside the store and buy some smokes and of course something to eat. Fortunately, Luna arrive with her friends, Kreame Rica, Bijan and the rest. Then I congratulate her for winning. She always do that, winning at a J-Music event, I am so proud for her. After spending time in the store, we return to the Bar totally. Carlo, famous as Emperor Palpatine was there and the rest of Yaoi Dudes, Progeny and Neotaku. The most of us got home already. I walk from fro Annapolis St. at Greenhills back to Cubao. I need to take a break, I was aiming for a drink, so I contact Mark but he’s out of coverage. I have no choice but to rest my ass back.

The next day, I contacted Radius, because last night he talked about that the Fan Film Kujuu Mutsu (Check the trailers in We Are Anime Website) was in need of more actors and man power. But he said, he was not sure of coming, plus he hasn’t got any sleep yet. So I decided to go to SM North, sending Tessa a message if she was there. She replied that she is in her house and I just need to see them at the food court or if not, head straight to Melchor Hall in UP. So I did, but I didn’t find any in the said mall so I head to UP. Nothing again. I take some short walks, buy a drink and smoke some. Until a girl in pink came across the street near the hall, doing the same thing I did: waiting. Now I was wondering, is she also a GC member who’s probably waiting for the cast? Most likely, but I was so freaking out to approach her. Until a gang of guys with a same age as me with familiar long hair guy wearing white came. No, that’s not them… but here they are!! The girl in pink finally stands up and greets them. It’s them all right, it’s RG. Then the girl in pink was finally got her identity revealed: Chaddy!! Oh my, that RO Sniper Girl that I met last year’s Ragnafest. She’s also a cosplayer. Then RG noticed me so I approached them and said that if it is OK for me to join the cast of the said Fan Film. He said it’s OK, and Ayen, the story writer with the rest of the actors that I met first time that day take some time off changing costumes. We waited for them till they’re finished changing. Ayen return in a Japanese School Girl attrire and the rest with semi formal apparels. Then they began shooting some scenes and images. Ayen approached me and told me to be a politician that Kenji would assassinate. Without any hesitations I said sure, but deep down inside, I was laughing. First Blood!! Ehehe. So we did a scene where I die. But keeping in mind that I would go as one of the actors, they put on shades on me so the most won’t identify me. I told Ayen that I might go on as one of the Mafias or anything. Then we did the scene out and then poof!! I died!! Just on the character introduction scenes. My knee fell on a hard surface but as the action takes place, I ignore it. I get the glimpse of what does it have to take to become a best actor. The shots were good, and then we go on with the next scenes. I keep in mind that I must blend well with them for they are new people and I am new to their company. I need to bond with them, but the first time seems OK. I treat Kenji, the actor who shot me as the politician, some cigars that he appreciated. Stephen, one of the cast and Ayen’s friends, approached me and we talk a lot of things. It was very nice meeting them. As night falls, probably about nine in the evening pass, we need to go home and we take a ride back to SM North. We take some rest and drink some water as the others eat food at the food court. Then we disband at the mall’s exit. RG and I escorted Chaddy back to the UP terminal (she lives at PHILCOA near UP) while talking about her past relationships. Then after sending her, we ride a bus and I dropped by at Cubao. Then I got home, tired.

Currently, I am working on the Kalina Ann’s magazine at the back. It would be done later on. Hopefully I could use a drill for the parts that are badly needed to assemble. I should finish it by Wednesday or Thursday so I could begin on my photoshoot as a High Priestess (again) for the National Cosplay Competion. Hope to finish it real soon.

Check out my new animated GIFs and my new signature for the forums.

That’s it for now.

Oracle of the Cards

2006-04-24T04:06:00.000+08:00

Mood:

"I lay my deck flat as I split it up and shuffle it. I shuffle it so many times till they can feel my aura. I divide them into three separate piles and stack them up again. As I draw three topmost cards, alas, the Oracle is fulfilled…"

Sounds like fortune telling, indeed. But for me, it’s like another Magic: The Gathering duel.

"I place a land, a mountain then I said ‘Done’."

I rarely believe in such fortune telling, but hey, I am a clairvoyant myself sometimes. I wished I have my own Tarot deck.

Last Tuesday, another house party was held, again it was at Noey’s place at Greenhills East Subdivision for the Gamer Clan’s One Year Anniversary. I enter the closest gate to EDSA then I meet the people I never meet within some short period of time. It was Kei. And I hope his girlfriend, Madi was with him inside. The gang waited for him to finish smoking. Then we came in. I was so amaze to see whose inside: A bunch of new people from Gamer Clan. I tell you, if every one of these people swims simultaneously, the entire pool will be overpopulated. I showed them off my new collection of signatures for the forums, including those on my last post in my blog. Everyone were having fun as I begin to jump on my swimming attire until Noey’s grandmother enters the scene telling us off that we make such a lot of noise, the neighborhood were reprimanding us. Almost all of us stopped and ceased even stopped swimming. Then her aunt entered too, questioning us why she has so many friends that were guys and if are all of these people are invited. Noey becomes powerless and cried while some of the girls stand by her side and comforts her. Good thing, RG speaks for us as her aunt interrogates us like the FBI’s doing to suspects. As if we were loosing the will to swim because of the commotion made by her two relatives. But what can we do, we must still enjoy for Noey’s sake. Then I talked to Noey if she did the things necessary, because we are inside a private subdivision and the guards must have know that we are celebrating the GC’s Anniversary at Noey’s place. She told me that she did informed, and her grandmother and aunt was only making stories after all. I did not comment, and made the conclusion, she’s going to be fine. Sometimes, I can’t understand anymore of the elderly people. After some few while, we never feel these two auras and continue to swim. Kei invited me to smoke with him, with Madi and Sonar. Then we talk about a project we ought to accomplish and I was marveled with some of the revelations from Kei. Night falls, we returned inside. We enjoyed talking much about our religion (for Yui came out also followed by Shawn and Koji) and some other stuff. As I return to the pool, the Waterboys Nightshift was born and amuses all of the non-swimming people. I hope somebody upload these wholesome and amusing ala sentai videos in You Tube. The party has come to an end. Her father came and asks Noey if we enjoyed the night. Of course we say yes, in spite of the dilemma earlier. Then her mother was there, still supporting us. Then I politely ask Noey the box of Magic Trading Cards like she promised us. Then she did. When she returns with the box, her aunt came back and tells her off things that made her cry again, hurting her with such words ‘I wont appreciate it if you are going to tell me that I am mistaken’. Obviously her aunt is guilty about it. Then her friends comfort her again. I felt something that is not sympathy but deeper. It seems that I am the one who’s ashamed. But to hell with it, all that matters is that she’s alright. Then we left the palace-like house, saying our last goodbyes for the night. Then all of us parted near Robinson’s Galeria. I have her box of Magic Trading Cards inside my bag. As we came in Galas, Karl and I came with Yui to his place, and it seems safe, someone’s out. There we check the cards, along with Chi, Yui’s brother figure. Then they constructed trash decks. Karl made a trash deck somehow a pain in the ass. It’s quite strong as we test it out. Then by four thirty in the morning, we retire for the day. My head’s aching because of too much chlorine in my head. The next day, I left at afternoon, after taking a glance at Gamer Clan.

Thursday, I came to Nash’s place. I found Shobe and Ron there. Good thing Ron has arrived from Davao. It seems like a get together, but I need to depart by the afternoon. As Ron and I talked, I learned something from him around me. Then we parted at the LRT 1 station. Just within forty five minutes I arrived at Megamall to meet up with Roy, for he will help me along with Karl with the props. I found no one in Food Court so I decided to look at Club Synergy. There was Jbob, playing SVC Chaos, and ask him to text Roy. So we did. After beating the game, Roy replied and told us that they were at the Food Court already. So we came and there they are, Jeff, Roy, Ianne, Sonar and Noel. After sometime spending at the place, we left Megamall and head for Shangri La to loiter. Sonar head straight home. As time flies, Ianne felt thirst and asks us to drink water from a nearby restaurant. So we did, after that, Roy mentioned about the five hundred bucks he saw while walking along with Sonar, Luna and me. So we manage with our luck to find another one again, but it was in vain. Upon hearing this, Jeff enters 7 Eleven shop and asks us which snack we want. With the root beer in hand, he get his wallet and brought up a thousand bucks. And did treat us all. With such enjoyment we eat at the side of Shangri La. After having fun snacking, we played wall walking like Prince of Persia. Then we head home. Noel invited me again to his place along with Roy. Then Nash text me that she’ll call me at home, but as I arrive to his place, I texted her that I am at the different place and I give her Noel’s number so she can call and she did. We were chatting for hours as Roy and Noel played with their celphone’s composer, composing Ai No Shirushi by Puffy AmiYumi. Then we take a break.

Next morning, no I mean afternoon we wake up, we eat and prepare for departure, but something was pulling us… we were sitting next to the TV and got us entertained. Wrestling, Anime and some, till we watched Chobits in Animax. Roy, I and Noel found these lines disturbing:

"The one that’s the one for me can touch me (Chii-chan takes Hideki’s hand and place it in her ‘switch’) and the only one who can come to me…"

What the fuck!! We laugh our asses out!! The meaning’s quite solid for the malicious ones. Now that’s what we call a punchline that knocks out totally. Then after eating again, we left. Sometimes, I cannot tolerate Noel’s hospitality anymore… he’s to kind to us. I should return the favor.

Ah, Sabbath. Again. I have plenty of bucks here to spend. I reached Megamall, and found only a few there.Then one by one they came. Sonar, Yui and Karl came from SM North, with some of the PinoyCosplay members. They are also having an EB there, which totally divided us up. The GC gang, Noey, Aren, Cheng, along with the happy and loud boys, Andrew, Aaron, Louis, Ianne were there. Kei with his brother Cholo were there and some of the girls, Tessa, Liz and to name some few. WAA People were there plus some from FilCosplay. It seems that day is totally messed up. I dunno why, I just felt that something’s missing that day. It was incomplete, until Roy came and others. It’s kinda getting better though. Jet and Jade were there, Noel is been dating Elise and so forth. Then some of us, Roy, Sonar, Ric, Kei, Cholo decided to head to Robinson’s Galeria for some Drummania action. Just for a peso. Yeah, a peso works in the DM machine there. No need for tokens of seven bucks each. After enjoying the game, we returned to Megamall then played more. I approached my fellow Deviant Artist from the DA Meat. One of them, a fellow artist, Lico was making a Tarot reading so I decided to try it out. First, what would happen to me in the first five years. I separated the deck into three piles and he does his thing:

Current State: Two of Wands
Obstacle: Three of Swords (I dunno, I forgot… )
Outcome: Four of Cups

Interpretation: I would be thinking of traveling, plans of going abroad, then something would cross my path resulting me to not acknowledging the graces I am receiving. Sounds right, but it is happening to me now. That means, after five years, these problems will be still present? No way, thanks for the reading, I can now control it. Next I ask him to read my general reading for the present:

Current State: Queen of Wands
Obstacle: The Moon
Outcome: Justice

Interpretation: A female figure will guide me, help me in my career, and then a supernatural or an invisible force will cross my path. But still, Karma will work in my favor. Lico said, it is very strange, because something supernatural appeared in his reading, along with Karma. Strange, indeed. And I hope this reading is perfect (and turns out to be good). I thought it pertains to my friends, about the woman I will choose to love but… enough of that. I always think of myself as the Justice Card I draw.

After the reading, we go to Time Zone to play another session. Jet started to cheering Roy with the newly found Tamayura Gun that made us laughing our asses out. After that we went to Shangri La, for Jet is looking for her sister, Jade. After staying for while and letting her eat after a tragedy happened to her earlier about classroom nemesis, we left. Jet and I talk about some Magic Trading Cards tricks for spiting decks. Then we all parted. I head to Galas to find what’s going on, but unfortunately nothing’s going on. Karl were there, informing that we must work on well on Lexy’s canon. She’ll join the National Cosplay Competition, so do I… (Prepare to meet another High Priestess in action!!) Then Markel and Shawn arrived and we all talked together about certain matters, like new arcade games. Guilty Gear XX Slash is now out on PS2. Twelve in the midnight already, we decided to go home. Another Sabbath has ended.

I just remembered the Tarot cards Lico have drawn for me last Sabbath. Now, I am bothered about the ‘invisible/supernatural force’ that would cross my path but still manage to overcome. I have just recalled some people conspiring me to destroy my name in the community. Now doubts again circulated in my mind. Who would be this people? Are they the same well established people I know in the community months ago that dumped me? Or that fucking horse that my intuition says that he’s the same person who PMed me in a different account, spying me right now? Or a far greater threat that would return to the community from the depths of the Core? I got plenty in mind. The placidity was lost, replaced with doubt. But the last card is a trump. Maybe I should stay like this, calm and gentle, keeping Lico’s words, Karma will work in my favor. Hopefully.

Aftermath of the Storm

2006-04-17T18:10:00.000+08:00

Mood:

Well, good thing Karl and I was abe to begin with Lexy's Canon Kalina Ann for her Devil May Cry 3 Cosplay. She would go as Lady. And I bet she'll have some trimming, too bad for her long glossy hair. For three straight days, We have been working on it, and still have a little progress. Geez, I need a plane and a drill. I'll do some of the parts tonight.

OK, I'm cool. Better check of my new stuffs right here.

Recently I am going addicted to Tony Tanaka's artorks. Here a sample.

Priestess from Ragnarok Online

Here is the signature for our forums I have made based on this Priestess Fanart.

I'm doing fine. Keeping my cool. See you later!!

The Flight of Lucifer

2006-04-13T04:56:00.000+08:00

Mood:

Just right after the walk on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Lucifer will soar. The pride in me has been awaken again for good.

The last Sabbath on the Mall. Nothing really interesting happen. They just left early for some cause. Around seven in the evening the most of them, the northern people head back to SM North. I didn’t come with them. Perhaps I was looking forward to something more interesting. I might get my bucks’ worth of three thousand. I planned to stay with Noeru. He said he has a classmate who was willing to buy my Ragnarok Online Account. With my account loaded up, I definitely will be earning. Right.

Twilight comes. I was still with the most of the Gamer Clan peeps till the Mall closes. Finally we all decided to pack up for the evening. Jeff, Roy or Radius, and me came with Noeru and spend almost an hour in Shangri-La near the Shaw Boulevard/EDSA Crossing. After some time chatting, we head to Noeru’s residence while Jeff sets himself home. We arrive at his place at almost midnight, and he sent us directly to his room. Sabbath’s over, and it was the twilight of the Sun. Our Christ, Roy get himself entertained with Final Fantasy X and get himself hooked up with Blitzball, an underwater soccer portrayed in the said game. After spending the last hours of the wake, we finally rest our eyes and mind.

The next day, we woke up almost nine in the morning. They wake me up to eat but I feel the cushion more. They returned to his room and given me my breakfast, in bed. I was so embarrassed. Then Roy gets the hang of another game of Blitzball. He couldn’t some of the teams but gets used it. He also beat his own record by wining a game. We shared the laugh. As afternoon arrives, Noeru invited us to the internet café he use to stay with. It was blocks away. After arriving, we were given our accounts and logged in. Finally I could change my signature in GC. For Shaytan’s sake, I have finally surfed the net after two long weeks! Whew! Then I made an account in another online multiplayer game, just for wasting the time. It was Ran Online. Same controls as the most MMORPGs, and I get confused on using and pumping up skills, too much requirements. Plus I could rotate the screen and yeah, I can see other player’s panties! Whatta fan service! After spending time at the café, we head to my RO account buyer, but unfortunately, he was not there. We came back to Noeru’s home wasted. That’s why I decided to stay another day more. Roy also did. Later in the night, I reminded them that it was tonight, the The Gospel of Judas would be aired and featured in National Geographic Channel. We were so excited that we couldn’t wake. As the clock strikes ten, we switches the channel and watched the anticipated presentation. After that we sleep.

The day of the Moon. Noeru wakes us up for breakfast at nine. After sinking our teeth, we came back and sleep again. We wake up again at noon. Then after eating again and watching anime programs on Animax and Hero, we went to the said internet café again to seek the account buyer, without any tops. It was so funny that we went there without wearing any shirts that the muggles get a good look at us. Yeah, the account buyer, was there but he was anxious about buying the account. I thought it was a sure fortune. After negotiating, I made up my mind that will spend another day more. I was slightly frustrated. Roy spends his remaining hours in playing Blitzball and as night falls, we were assigned to leave. I ask Noeru about the account that if it is OK for me so stay an little bit longer. He agreed and we send Roy along Shaw Boulevard. We waited until he could ride a jeepney as a sign of concern and respect. After that we returned and watched anime as he talks to Elise on the phone.

The day of the God of War. I was supposed to wake up early, and so I did. It was his schedule to get his report card at Don Bosco Institute. With his sister, I came up with him, thinking that the account buyer was also at the school. Before, his granny had given me fifty bucks. I could have resisted it but she insisted. I have no choice but to accept the grace. As we arrive at the said school and Noeru does his thing to get his report card with his sister. Then we found the account buyer and informed that he won’t be able to buy the account. I was so frustrated but still keep my cool. I ask him that he can help me find a buyer and I have invited him also in Gamer Clan. How about that? And I have given him the contacts he could need if ever someone is interested. Then I left, Noeru with me before I could hitch a ride.

I head to Galas, thinking Karl was there. But I found out no one was home. Later a friend told me that they were waiting for me for the swimming. I remembered that Noelle sends Roy a message last night for the swimming. So I head there to Greenhills and almost got lost. It was to late when I came; everyone was packing up, and I don’t even get the chance to freshen up. But it’s OK. I talked to the people I must talk to. Like Karl, that we must begin the props project and finish it right before the Lenten Season ends. He told me that I must go to his place the next day, by around six in the evening. And after that, all together, we left.

The worst case scenario happens. I expected sermons from my goddamn parents but not this. My fucking mother never stops busting up her fucking mouth with harsh words and my fucking father screamed at me. They just don’t give a chance to speak up. I finally collapse with my mother and father both expressing their ruthless hatred on a son who never came home on time. I collapse… that’s all remember. Other than fainting, I hear my mom saying worst things about me, instead of calling for help a doctor, she tends to call a police, or an exorcist perhaps, because she said I was possessed by an evil spirit. DUH? What the fuck?! All they care about was Jang Geum and how she made it back to the Palace, not their son who thought of being hugged back as he comes home and was given a strangle rather.

I felt numb… it take several minutes to get my senses back. I almost died… died in pain of Nervous Breakdown. Near Death Experience, anyone?

The next day; the day of Odin. I wake up one afternoon and prepared myself for Galas, like Karl told me. I should be around six in the evening. Before I leave, I ask my fucking father if it is OK with him to send me with his car to the place and fetch them. He disagreed and added that they are the one who should get here, not me to there. For them, I am just a money waster, each time gets out I need money. How would I need much more if I live in the mountains of Rizal? That’s why I ask him to use the car but he declined and screamed at me again. My mom was with him and scrutinizing again. Then my father told me that he hates it when I make props. Then lately I have been realize that I must not work for free again, and the memories of the Chronicles of the Broken Wings and the Bad Company, The Core of Arts, flashes back, as the Avatar of Pride inside of me revives once again. This time, I can fully take control of it.

Memoirs of being used and abused flshes back. Lucifer has wakened my senses back again. I just can’t abandon the lessons I learned from the two turning points of my fucking life, reminding me how gullible I am when it comes to “friends”. Shaytan don’t want it to happen again, either.

Anxious, I went to Galas and found Karl, not there. Shawn was at the internet café, and told me that he was at the Gamer Clan photo shit whatever. The prize I am paying for the people who want fame. I can hear the demons whispering that this is not right. I waited, amusing myself with Gals Panic SU, an ecchi anime arcade game that each time you complete the one hundred percent revealing the girl on such a provocative pose, it’s Showtime with the tits. Then Yui came, informing that Karl was taking an overnight in Rocky’s place. Now have no choice but to bust it out. And you won’t like to read the rest.

Ciao. Just don’t piss me off right the whole Lenten Season. I’m battling the Angels of deception.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

2006-04-08T06:14:00.000+08:00

Mood:

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

It was Thursday, the sky was mediocre; dark, and damp with the cinder clouds around the skies. It was so promising that I would finally be staying in Shiela’s place so I have packed up every thing I need, just for days. With the Php 200.00 provided I walk alone. Nash was texting me to we could meet at Robinsons’ Place Ermita. As I meet her at GBOX, she told me that Shiela and her brother was not around, even at the event where an uprising Reggae band Brownmen All Stars performed. Too bad, we have to search for them. Her mom was calling her because it’s getting late, she needs to go home. But where’s her bro? He’s with Shiela probably, and I need to meet up with her, because my mom knows that I am away and won’t be probably come home for days, keeping in mind that Shiela has given me a stay-in job at her place. As we part ways I head straight to Raymond’s place. I thought he knows where her place was, but I was mistaken. He doesn’t know where her place was though. So I spend some other time talking… still texting Shiela and hoping she would come there to fetch me up. But hours come and more hours pass by. But dreaded news came as I reload my cellphone account. She said she was on Naga, Bicol. What? That’s ridiculous. I thought she has already gone there, and will never to return. She left me hanging in the air for the first time. She was at Sucat, and was about to leave. Good thing I never blow up and I exhaled deeply. I cannot even stay at Raymond’s place because his cousins were staying there and I won’t have a place. I have contacted several friends but they give negative. So I have no choice. I walked alone, with the rain showered my frustrations again. I reach for small huts at the parks in Liwasan, just in front of Manila Post Office Building in Lawton. I stayed there and I sleep along with the rain sprinkling in my face and small Vampiric creatures called mosquitoes to boot, feeding them with my blood as they bite my arms gently.

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I can’t sleep!! This is what I have screaming inside my head as I couldn’t bear the pain and the coldness I am experiencing. I have been homeless for a day. The moon was gazing behind the dark clouds. Then I saw crews from ABS-CBN assembling a stage for another Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition gimmick at the said Post Office. People around me have their own huts. There was this couple whom the guy was really concern about his girl. Probably they both runaway form the clutches of their parents; a forbidden love. Some runaway peeps have their own huts and some shared them with another homeless. The rain stopped and it showered again its grace. As I felt I was not sleepy, I stand up and take a walk to the famous Luneta Park. There, our lame National Hero Jose Rizal was executed. It took me thirty minutes to get there by walking. It really consumes a lot of time. I took a sit at one of the benches and tried to sleep. But still I couldn’t. I picked up my cellphone and played some games. Then a suspicious guy in red approached me, asking for help. I denied him I take a walk again, this time near the Manila Bay. Walking takes a lot of time so I take advantage of it. I will wait for Nash to wake up so I can come over to her place. Her mother will leave soon. I just treated it a small walk in the park as I head to the Bay. Early birds doing a Tae Bo, Chinese Tai Chi and kids with their parents playing Badminton was the attraction. There where also some crab catchers too. I stayed there until eight in the morning. Nash has given me a go signal.

Yeah, now I have place where I can stay. After some talk, I sleep in her cozy bed at the living room. She wake me up at noon and invited me to eat dinner. As we talk, I have heard from her bro that Shiela’s still here. What the fuck. That’s all I can say. I thought she was… nevermind. She’s making a stir. Nash was also surprised. Then she ordered me follow her bro. So I did, just to catch her. I wonder what will be her alibi. Nash and I hide at the laundry area then we wait. Of course, Shiela was stunned to see me alive and well. Damn her, but I still keeping my cool. Now I talked to her and as I expected she has her alibi. Now I told her about prioritizing. And now she said that I wasn’t able to stay in her place for the mean time unlike she promised me. Now we have to find somewhere else. We went to Delpan where her friend lives, his uncle but the consequences were unstable. I was very hungry by that time. She offered me to come with her in Bulacan. Almost a province. We took a ride to Baliwag and I have set my foot on another distant land like anywhere else. We stayed on her aunt’s house where the lifestyle is not that primitive. Finally I could rest, in spite of hunger.

I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a-

We woke up the next day. It was the day of Sabbath. It was very early so I could grip a cup of coffee in my worn out hands. After devouring the prepared meal we immediately set ourselves to journey back to civilization. We parted in Monumento and I hurried to Megamall.

Just in time. I came in Megamall by noon. Almost everyone was there, waiting for the others to show up. There would be a swimming in Noey’s place. I remembered I have contacted Mark to come with us, and it seems that he’s well welcomed. Now as we were completed, we ride her van with her and gone to her place. The others will soon follow up. Noey was very accommodating. She treated us very nice as some of the peeps jumped of the Pool. Others were playing Magic: The Gathering card game while the others played Tekken 5 and set their fingers with the Organ. It was fun, fun until the very night. Radius talked to everyone of us about a special matter that I won’t mention due to security reasons. But the fate of GC relies on it. The night was finally over.

I went the Galas Bois whom would come to Aaron’s place. I thought that there would be some drinking, but I was mistaken. The place should be tight shut and most of us where penniless. The truth was I shouldn’t be with them. The car’s full but still I managed to come with them. If I would come home now, my parent’s would realize that I am bluffing about the job Shiela offered. So by hook or by crook I must go with them. The problem is, I should have said it before to the last minute, not at the time of exact departure. Karl and Yui sermons me about it. They even got Shawn with it, inviting a drink without the owner of the place consent. I treated it as a fatal mistake, never to be done again. Anyways, what done is done. Aaron treats us to some anime DVD watch then finally he offered us to watch hentai. Of course we agree. He inserted Darling and we get the most out of it. It was hilarious. But still I would never be like Markel… how about talking to a girl at twilight while watching hentai with the sounds of moaning girls in the background? Definitely I would be ashamed. That is why we idolized Markel that much during that whole day. IDOL KITA MARKEL!! DI KO KAYA ANG GINAGAWA MO!! ASTIG KA!! We finished the whole four episodes DVD when others were sleepy. But still Karl didn’t get enough. Me, with Karl, Jacob and Markel watched Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien, an animated drama that reached the top charts as one of the best anime. I have an idea about the show, Mitsuki is a bitch. That’s right. She is. Just watch it. It gives me an aftershock for two days while I don’t know if Karl was over with it. The maximum time of the shock was a week according to Jacob. The drama was very intense that I have run emotional for two days. We finished only the half of spindle and finally hit on the bed for rest. Before I have received a text message that made my inner self panic. Shiela was on a trip to Naga and still keep on telling me that it is so very important. What the fuck? What’s important with tailing around your teacher whom you are infatuated with? Still keeping my cool, she left me hanging again for the second time. I thought she would accommodate me starting Monday. And now she wants me to make an explanation for my parents that I won’t be able to stay in her place, upon my parent’s knowledge that she offered me a stay-in job? Ridiculous again. She’s not here, she said. She will be gone for two weeks. Duh.

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Till then I'll walk alone

Ah..ah..

Ah, another morning was given to us as a blessing by my lord, Shaytan. I was so glad I’m still alive. Still aiming to finish the whole spindle of Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien, we first were invited to eat for breakfast finally. Then we hit the show. But that’s not enough. Yui even ask for another show, and that’s another two hentai DVDs. Oh my… YUI TIGANG KA!! I hilariously made fun of him. I wonder what got him and drives him to watch more… well for me, at least I am watching something. After some few hours spent, we separated tracks and head home. Back to Hades.

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Now, something important ran in my head that I need to talk to both of the brothers. With my money left, I have gone to Galas and meet up with them. Unfortunately, they were not there. I have search the entire place but no trace. I have no choice but to wait for them. I stayed at an internet café and was tempted to play Warcraft III’s custom game DotA All-stars. Oh my, I am spending again… Until finally I was able to meet up with Karl and he offered me to favor, perhaps a favor that would change our lives. I accepted it even though there’s a days left. Finally we were able to meet with Shawn and Yui. Together, we spent hours of talking till dawn. Upon hearing news that many would visit them tomorrow, I decided to stay. But I don’t have a place to stay for the night. There is handy jeepneys that can a temporary refuge, but Shawn and Karl didn’t allow it. They made me stay to their place just for the night. It would be an embarrassment for them if I did not stayed with them and sacrifice myself again to mosquitoes.

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

Shawn woke me up. It was almost noon. The first thing I saw that day was Karl watching a new Japanese Action Series called Garo. Just like Kamen Riders, only just slightly mature in some ways. Karl keep on telling us that even the famous cosplayer like Robert Wong turned down the offer of cosplaying Garo, due to high financial requirements. As I watch the series, I finally realize why. Whew. Then Theresa came and stayed with Shawn for few hours then she left. After watching the series, we went outside and looked for Aren. It was heard that Jacob, Aaron, Luna and Kreame would come over. So we manage to wait. I was Yui, Karl and Shawn again. As night falls, there are still no signs of them. Jacob will be on Friday, and the rest I don’t know. All I know is I should go home. My parents slandered me on my phone. Even if they don’t come, it’s OK. Sabbath’s waiting though.

I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a-

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Till then I'll walk alone

Ah..ah..
I walk alone and I walk a-

I receive a message from Radius that he has invited me to attend a brainstorming for our Gamer Clan project. I didn’t deny it. Thursday, I met up with Shobe in SM North and she paid me Php 200.00 bucks from an in-game item I sold her in Ragnarok Online. Still not in full, but worth it. After some few talks, I left for Megamall. I never really expected that most of the would come, even Yui’s there. And the rest, yeah, present. I greeted them and the fun begins. Luna got her hair colored to blonde, Radius was with the majority brainstorming. Dej, and the rest of new faces was also there. Yui, with Jade, Luna, Liz played truth or dare. Plenty of SM Megamall scandals was captured in Noey’s cam, including mine… Jade pursues me giving me a smack that made me blushed for ages. The PPF guys Jeff, Jet, Jen and Esh were also there. Markel was missing in action. Then we played Magic: The Gathering with Roy Oman, Karl, and Uruhara. Karl borrowed a green weenie deck that was a killer. After spending some hours in Megamall, Some of us decided to part ways and went to SM North. I’m with Yui, Shawn, Tessa, Rocky and Luna. Only a few of us. Anyways, I could finally again get hold of Drummania that worth my pennies. The day was over. I’ll be saving the best for Sabbath.

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a-

And now. Another dawn of a New Sabbath. Many things will happen. Some fun, some sad and depressing. But hey shit happens. I will be expecting everyone. Till then.

Au Revior.

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Till then I'll walk alone

Breaking the Cocoon's Shell

2006-03-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

Mood:

I have been living in this nutshell for how many years and I must break this sooner or later. I have been suffering from this hatred that runs through my veins for my whole lifetime and yet it needs to be removed...

She has been active again recently, telling off about her newly installed DSL connection. Yeah, I mean the Childish Brat that I have mentioned in the past post. It got me irritated, I don't know why. I have this certain feeling of calmness and yet the essence of my retribution is still there. I cannot even understand myself anymore... It's just my will of revenge, nothing more.

It seems it is uncontrollable, but I must work on this. Shawn pinpointed on me that that's a thing of the past and I have to move on with it. Nash told me that the origin of my misery is my own selfishness and I must remove this thoroughly. Plus I have to be happy about the simplest of pleasures life has given to me, to work without anything to expect in return. I cannot fully understand this until she told me about the laws of Karma. As a non-believer of the word 'destiny' I often associated it with Karma, because I am a skeptic but hey, it seems to work on my way recently. I must learn to forget my skepticism, maybe a half of it. I have always asking for the truth and evidence. And also I never survive the day Morbid put up a sermon on me. How loving he was. He pointed out the things I must do: Stay calm, keep cool and do things sincerely. Yeah, I find it real hard to move out from the shell of hatred this life has given me, and hopefully I could get over with the past. What matters more for them is to me to think for what the hell is going on today. It is really difficult... getting over. Still I am on the stage of recovery.

Last Sabbath, I was invited to join with Louis or Shockwave in his place. Many of us was able to make it. We should be doing the swimming in Noey's place but it was all of the sudden that her parents cannot agree with. I met new people, or let just say the most of the Drummania addicts at the other side of Gamer Clan. The most annoying yet happy to be with guy is Andrew, also a famous guy inside the Forums. We have enjoyed the night swimming. The problem is we don't have any food or drinks (man, we love to get drunk....), unfortunately we are out of budget, what we can only afford is to buy food and stuffs.

The worst case scenario happened. There were another set of companies aside from us which was Louis' classmates. They were all drunk and someone lost his cell phone. And we heard that some of them put the blame upon us. Fuck, like we have of intention of doing it. And one of them even threatens us with such provoking words. Keeping in mind that those guys are conios and they might bring back guns and rest backs, we still want to remain just to show them that the accusations were wrong. Karl suggested the right move to call an elder so Louis calls his mom and investigated us. She told us to find the lost phone and ordered us to leave ASAP. We even have our bags checked. But in my opinion, no one of us would take other's belongings. This was the other side's fault, not ours. Why would someone leave a precious accessory at such place?

Sermons and more sermons. I have learned that I cannot trust anyone anymore... especially a person that you have trusted so much have an intention of hurting you just to build a perfect godlike being. Am I intended to be a GOD? I don't understand, Nash told me that I am almost perfect, duh... but to hell with it. Maybe I am a better Jesus Christ after all. I should admit I am supposed to be a god. Equal trade: My past and my trust for a new me. There goes my tripping... from Jen Shinrai. How to make a Tainted Purple Cock-tail.

How to make a Tainted Purple

Ingredients:

1 part competetiveness

5 parts courage

5 parts joy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little curiosity if desired!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Starting next week, I'll be living with Shiela near Nash's. So you cannot contact me at home. Anyways there is my cellular to get connected with.

That's it for now. To Hell with Vatican.

Melancholic Journey

2006-03-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

Mood:

After the "Mad Season"....

Sorrow comes.

Good thing, I was able to make it the next day to the event at PUP. Shobe, a friend of mine called in before the day and she was interested with my Ragnarok Online item. That was the +7 Angel Helm that I have gained as a prize last year during the Hero Convention and she said she'll buy it from me for PHP 500.00, although I could get it as much as 2K. She have become my financial assistant the next day.

We have met up at the mall near my residence, at the Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall, then we proceeded immediately to met up with Shawn. She Also offered me a job at an internet cafe that I immediately aggreed with. After arriving, Shawn and I discussed the things about the underground cosplay group I was creating and some sort of things. Then afterwards, Nash arrive with Ashley and we head straight to PUP. We almost got lost though but we still make it there.

Finally we arrived at the campus then take a little rest then I have met the familiar people outside the stage where the event was taking place. There was Karl, Waloz, and the rest including the Childish Brat. Well I tend to ignore her however. Damn, I couldn't get in. They require a hundred bucks just to see the cosplay, and that's the only thing everyone were looking forward to. Then Shobe said she needs to get home so I sent her home, then afterwards, Nash and Ashley follows. Good thing, I have met Clyne (Shido for some) and I have invited him to the underground. He said he have done it before, that role. Precisely, wht I need. ^^ The cosplay catwalk is finished and everyone got out to feed themselves. After the break, it was the band's time to rise. Several bands play, including the Dou Ahou, which was the crowd's fave. We slammed all the way, have fun. Too bad I can't do body slams, my legs are weaken already due to work outs. After band and the announcement of the winners, the event was disbaned immediately. We came with Noey for she offer us a ride. We stepped down by SM Centerpoint and we head to Galas. I was with Yui, Luna, Aren, Waloz, and Karl. Then we waited at Karl's place for Shawn and the others to show up. Luna met up with Kreame, and fortunately, Markel came with Noel and RM. Noel treat us to drink as he promised.

We played DotA, thanks to Aren for treating me. Then when everyone's ready and the place is set, we began to drink. Kreame and Luna talks about wierd things that made us amused. We drink till we all passed out. Another young night to remember. Then Shawn talked to me. He took me outside and we began our discussion. From my evolution to a thing that made me cried so much. While he was talking about 'it', the thing that made me cry, he was touching my face so gently... I couldn't say anymore. I don't want him to bid farewell.

The night was finished. Almost some of us were knocked out. We sent Luna and Kreame home as Yui and Karl stayed with them while Noel invited me with Markel to stay over with him the next day. We were all drunken.

After an hour reaching Noel's home, we slept together to get rid of our grogginess. And when we woke up, we eat and head to Ortigas. Megamall, Star Mall, Shangri-La. While at Shangri-La, Noel treated me to Drummania then after playing we head to Megamall. There we met up with Jade, his brother Jet, Jake, Jeff, RM and so name some few. The whole afternood we stayed at the mall, playing Drummania and Guitarfreaks, DDR and some sort of arcade games. Jake and Jeff are so fun to be with. The night has come, we need to take a rest. I got a slight hangover, though.

I don't know what would be my plans for next week. But the sure thing is, it's clamouring time. The perfect retribution. Next Sabbath, hopefully the Open Forums would be put into process to eradicate the Childish Brat and her hench that taken away my pride. As a tribute from her sins to the mighty monarch.

Fare thee well for the mean time, the night is still young. Belial was calling me...

Mad Season

2006-03-16T15:58:00.000+08:00

Mood:

I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing - I coulda been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down...

So why ya gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me - you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though
I've never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season

I think I have been mad already in the past days. Reminds me of a classic Matchbox 20 hit by Rob Thomas, one of my fave vocalist. Mad Season, huh? I am mad indeed...

Last Sabbath, I have been to Mega. I looked for my friends but they are not at the usual spot, the food court. What cross upon me is the Goth Girl Ace. She told me that they are at Time Zone, but as I arrive, they are not even there. Luckily, I met up with the GC's Christ Roy with Jet and told me that they are at KFC upstairs the second floor. Noel was celebrating his Birth Day by treating everyone chicken steaks, which I consider everyone's fave. As I approach them, that childish brat was visible from the door with her red-haired boy friend. She was the one of the first person to greet me, but I just ignored her. Still getting rid of the aftertaste she have left behind a week ago. Then I sat beside in front of Jade. Almost everyone was there. Noel handed me my chicken steak but I was about to refuse. I was on a hurry. But he insisted me to eat it for him because of his birth day. So I devoured it immediately. Kinori also set foot inside KFC and handed me her debts of PHP 200.00. I was so happy and she also handed me my High Priest costume. Then afterwards, I left without telling the majority.

I head to Nash's school and met up with her. Together with Ashley we have gone to Shawn's place and hang out with him, with Ivan and Vincent. After the two girls left and after Shawn surfed the net, he sent me home, for he sees that I was tired already.

Manic Monday, I feel very stupid enough, as I ask a friend if she knows how to kiss and I asks her if I could give a try. At first she refused but the second time she allowed me. After looking for a place, we began kissing. Damn. I don't know if I was possessed by an incubus but my hand have gone anywhere else. After the trick, I apologize to her but she said it was OK. I feel so guilty at that time. Later in the night, while we were treking a park, I asks her if she could be my girlfriend. She told me it was OK. We have no special reason why we have gone in this relationship. I don't even feel a single heartbeat towards her. Maybe I could use this in the future, as I know it will unfold something for her. But still a question is lingering inside my head: Why would I ask someone to become my girlfriends without feeling anything from her? Maybe I should hold on till we met and end it. Or do must I?

Maybe it's just my libido rush...

Currently I am on marathon mode in watching Trinity Blood. I need to get the information about the characters that I could use in the future. My dad always scrutinize my way of using his office laptop. If we have a PC at home, probably every task of mine is done already...

Speaking of madness. Did you know that GMA-7 will air Crhno Crusade? Damn, JV always tells me that anime talks about the dominance of (the Christian concept of) demons and blasphemies towards the Vatican or even at 'god'. I myself is a Satanist but I would not even dare to disrespect other people's belief. But they would air an antichristian anime at an already morally corrupted, disrupted value, catholic country? And they are claiming themselves a Christian too... now who am I to believe in? JV also told me that there is another way to make it sanitize, and that is to change the name of 'god' or changing the theme. The problem is it would remove the real essence of the anime. Sigh. I really hate that TV station, and for those peeps out there, you can check my journals in Deviant Art or just right straight here. You can google my whole journal page in DA to see some fragments of my rants against them. After that, be enlighten with my mental anal probing, tee-hee.

Hey don't get me wrong. I am a Satanist myself and I am just concern with the 'Christian' peeps out there. I still respect you guys. Just telling off what is my opinion. Go ahead sue me.

Sigh... I wonder if I could go this Sabbath at PUP. Nash and a lot of others expected me to go there. I need two hundered bucks and I am OK. Damn entrance fees...

Getting Rid of the Aftertaste

2006-03-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

Mood:

Few days later since that selfish brat insulted and damaged my pride, I still have to recover from her lousy schemes... I don't know if that childish brat is doing things intentionally just to dismay me and put all my efforts futile. I am partially OK now, just getting rid of the aftertaste that she left behind. It has be almost been four months since she ignore my efforts. Acting like she saw nothing about the things I have done not just for her, but for the whole TRC cosplay group. I felt that I have been used by some of the members. I still couldn't find it forgivable. Now I have to let go of it.

I need a new life.

The other day, I have read a blog from friend and criticized my actions. I felt like I have been punched straight to the stomach. I immediately called him confirming the actions I have done and apologizing "What have I done wrong to you? Do you have any grudges against me?" He explained that he can't look after us anymore because of of his job as a marshall, and he don't have anything against me. But he advised me not to destroy the family our friends brought together. That was the Gamer Clan. I have finally realize my mistakes. All of these days, I have thought of myself as an antagonist. An Enmity that will wreak havoc everything. I have even compared myself to the blacklisted people from the community. And I must not barge in in other people's affair, and even think of the past things that some evil people have done to me. I must move on. And that what I am doing right now. Thanks to him, I felt unburndened. I realized my flaws. I will be perfect someday, I will be a god. I have to change my sigs in GC too, they have another malicious meanings kasi eh. Pilyo ko talaga...

Yesterday, I have began lookng for a job. Using a number from Jobstreet.com, seaching for a vacant graphics artist position, I dialled the number and able to find the location accessibly. It was located near Shawn's place at the Welcome Rotonda. After the interview and an hour of enhancing the image of a local sexy star, the head artist asked me how much the salary I want, stating the fact that I came from the distant Antipolo. I let him choose and told me that they will call me, because they are still looking and if they have chosen me, then that would be find. I hope luck is on my side, regardless of my belief in destiny.

Afterwards, I met up with Shiela and Nash near Nash's school along the Quezon Ave. And I found out that Nash is alrady pissed of with Shiela by making herself heard in peculiar way (nagpaparinig). And always saying that "Oh! Tessa's cute" or "Oh! Elise is cute!". Nash finally blows up, "How could you compare me to those worthless girls?" Then after sending Nash home, I talked to Shiela about the stuff she ought to know. I told her that if she continues to stay like that she would end up hurting herself. Her problem is that she couldn't say what's inside her mind, fearing that she might hurt others. I have just gotten over that thing long time ago, kaya ang ang kapal ng mukha ko eh. After spending time in Intramuros, I got home, tired and worn from the muscle pains. How about doing 25 chest push ups and 50 crunches since the other day? They are still aching until today. Ugh...

Tommorow, another day of Sabath. Bloody Sabath. Whatever. That childish brat might show up. I'll ignore her. I need to control my damn temperament too.

Withered Bloom

2006-03-07T02:05:00.000+08:00

Mood:

Di ko maipaliwanag. Basta noong pagising ko last Saturday, iba ang pakiramdam ko. Titingin ako sa salamin mapapasabi na lang ako ng "Shit! Ang ganda ko ngayon!!" Di naman ako bakla or silahis pero iba talaga ang pakiramdam ko sa sarili ko. Blooming ako noon. Wierd no? Hindi maipaliwanag na kasiyahan kasi sa wakas makikita ko na ulit ang mga barkada ko. Another day of Sabbath has began.

Kaya tanghali pa lang pumunta na ako sa Mega para kitain si Kinori para sa bayad niya sa renta. Nandun na rin sila Karl, Deki, Ate Noey, Jacob at Ella. Papunta na sila sa G4 para sa M4. Medyo matagal ang paghihintay ko kay Kinori pero buti na lang nakarating siya ngunti PHP 100 lang ang ibinayad niya. Sabi niya na kunin ko na lang kay Anbu yung dagdag. Tapos noon, nakita ko sila Noel, Elise at si Jeff. Kilala ni Noel si Anbu kaya sumabay na ako sa kanila. Di ko pa kasi siya nakikita. Kaya ayun nagkakita kaming lahat sa G4. Umakyat kami sa Timezone para makita kung sino sino na ang mga nandun. Tapos isa isa na silang dumating. Sila Jade, Jet, Allan at ilan pa. Di ko inasahan pero si Shawn ay nandun din.Tapos nagyosi kami sa may Starbucks habang tinatanaw ang mga buildings sa Makati kasama sila Jeff at Noel.

Bumaba na kami kasi sabi daw magsisimula na ang Cosplay event. Nasa baba sila Luna, Lex, Deki at ang iba pa. Nagtatampo nga sa akin si Lex dahil di ko siya agad namukhaan. May problema kasi ako sa recognition. Sila Aaron at Ariks nandun din. Tapos nagyaya nang kumain si Karl at Chris. Treat daw ni Chris. Kaya sabay sabay kami sa KFC at kumain. Grabe ang pinaguusapan nila habang dumudulog kami... regla. Ayus.

Tapos umakyat ulit kamisa TimeZone. Nagyosi kami ulit with the usual peeps. Tapos nagsimula ang tunay na kasiyahan kahit hindi namin napanood ang cosplay. With KR, Jet, Jade, Jeff, Pedz, Cheska and Noel, nagsimula na ang bastusan namin. Panay kung ano ano na ang pinagkekwentuhan namin. Pilyo kaming lahat. Si Noel lang ang di gaanong makarelate.

Maggagabi na, at dumating rin sila Radius, Sonar at Lord Caz (nalimutan ko real name ^^;) Tapos na Drum Mania at Guitar Freaks sila. May bata nga dun na sobra sa galing, sinasamba namin siya. Tapos nandyan din si Mark na friend ni Radius. Isa pang pilyo ang taong to. Yung bang babaeng nakapink nakita niya raw ang kuyukot XD Ang saya ng kwentuhan namin. 'Blooming' pati ako. Salamat kay Morbid. Mahal ko talaga siya. Tampok pa nga ako sa gamerclan.multiply.com sa dami ng kuha ko courtesy of Ate Noey. Featured gamer ika nga. Panay pacute nga mga kuha ko eh. Panira naman si Shawn amp.

Uwian na. Sabay sabay na kaming lahat ng pahilaga. Tapos nasa MRT na kami. Nagkakakwentuhan kami about the cosplay groupings. Unconciously, nabanggit ko ang underground project na cosplay group sa mga kasama ko. Maayos naman ang naging flow ng conversation hanggang umepal at bumanat ang isang sira ulo na isip bata, nagsasabi na "gasgas na yan!!" Tangina. Buti nakayanan ko pa ring kontrolin ang galit ko sa kanya. Putangina naman, last year pa niya tinuturndown ang efforts ko tapos gagaguhin niya pa ako. Panay destructive criticisim na lang ang naririnig ko sa kanya tapos kapag nandyan ako hindi man lang niya ako napapansin na kuya-kuyahan niya. Hindi na nga niya ako ginagalang. Tangina, sa sobrang sama ng loob ko sa kanya, putsa panay parinig na lang ang ginawa ko dahil ayoko rin namang magwala. Eh eto namang si Shawn kala niya sasabog na ako, nanapaparanoid na. Anong tinigin niya sa akin, bobo upang di makontrol ang galit? Kahit papaano, nasa may boundery na ako at puputok na, na manage ko na di magalit ng sobra. Parinig lahat ng ginawa ko. Kinokonsensya ko ang hinayupak na isip bata na yan, sa mga pinaggagagawa niya sa akin at planong paghihijack niya sa costume ko. Sinira niya ang araw ko. Tangina.

Dahil medyo banas na rin ako, di ko na rin maiwasan na makapagsalita kay Karl, lahat nang nalalaman ko at naririnig tungkol sa kanya. Kahit papaano binawasan ko ang dala kong burden.

Kinabukasan, pumunta naman ako sa SM North para sumabay sa Star City. Dumating na sila Loven, Shawn, Ken at Waloz. OK nam, at least may kasama ako. Medyo natagalan si Tere at upset na si Shawn. Pero nakarating pa rin siya. Lumakad agad kami sa Star City at nagenjoy. Sumunod sa amin si Markel. First time ko na makasaya sa Viking at Ferris Wheel. Ang saya ko. Pero walang tatalo sa Grand Carousel na pinaikotikot namin ni Markel ang isang upuan dun. Hilong hilo kami sobra!! Pero ang saya. Tapos umuwi na rin kami ng mga 9 ng gabi.

Medyo upset ako kanina. Di ko nakuha kay Kinori yung kaukulan na bayad. Wala na akong pera pa. Gusto ko na sanang umiyak eh. Di siya dumating. NagPM pala siya sa akin sa GC na hindi pala siya makakapunta. Tapos nito ko lang naramdaman na pinapabayaan na pala ako ng mga magulang ko.

Parang ayoko na.

A flower that has bloomed has finally lost its beauty.

Why Alice in Wonderland?

2006-03-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

Mood:

I was searching on Blogskins.com ng isang blog skin na maayos. Sabi kasi ni Roy, Admin ng GC, dun daw siya kumukuha kaya eto, napagtripan ko. May nakita nga ako na blog skin ng Love Moster, yung bidang girl dun. Yun na sana ang kukunin ko kaso eh nakita ko tong isa. Medyo naintriga ako because of some expositions na naririnig ko kay Karl about this certain fairy tale. Sabi niya, si Alice ay isang psychotic, basta baliw daw kasi lahat ng nakikita niya ay di nakikita ng iba. Almost all the fairy tales daw ay may hidden meanings or may pinagmulang di kaayaya. Kasi they originated mostly as Tavern stories. Mga kwentong kalalakihan sa mga sinaunang bar, kwento na nagsimula sa inuman. Tulad ng Snow White na eto pala si Snow White ay binarurot ng mga seven drawfs or even Little Red Riding Hood na eto palang bida ay hinalay di umano ng Big Bad Wolf. Wierd pero yun ang tunay na nangyari. Originally, patay nga si Little Red Riding Hood dahil walang sumaklolo sa kanya na mangangangaso, na later idinagdag lang para kahit papaano buhay siya. Eto yung mga links na na research ko, yung isa namang link, kinikwestyon ang katinuan ni Lewis Caroll noong sinulat niya ang Alice in Wonderland.

Click Here
Click Here

Then Lately I have been strongly attached sa Alice in Wonderl and since then. Kahit nga isang shinigami type story na manga na Alice on Deadlines binasa ko na rin. Tapos eto pa, hindi lang pala fairy tales ang may ibigsabihin. Ultimong nursery rhymes may ibang ibigsabihin na rin. Check niyo tong link na to.

Click Here

Pati mga lokal na folksongs natin ay may ibang kahulugan. Tulad ng Bahay Kubo na nagmimind set sa ating kabataan na mamuhay ng "simple" na pabor sa kahirapan. Kumpara sa I Got Two Hands na nagmimind set na ang magiging trabaho ng mga bata sa kanluran ay siguradong blue collar jobs. Tignan natin ang isang ito, Sitsiritsit. Eto ang stanzaang aking sinasabi: Mama, mama, namamangka/ Pasakayin yaring bata/ At pagdating mo sa Maynila/ Ipagpalit sa manika. Tila ang hidden meaning nito ay Child Prostitution. Ewan ko lang kung tama nga ako, pero eto ang pagkakapercieve ko. Grabe.

Kahapon, nakatambay ako sa Mega, hinihintay si Kinori dahil may hihiram ng costume ko na High Priestess. Kaya umupo muna ako at si Sylph dumating din. Hinihiram din pala ni Kinori yung costume nito na Dark Priest. Ayun dumating na nga siya, kaso sa Sabado pa yung bayad. OK lang, sabi naman niya dadagdagan na lang niya kaya pumayag ako. Dumating din si Rex, isang magaling na artist ng Ground Zero Comics. ayun tumambay rin kasama namin at dumating din si JBob. Medyo nagtagal pa kami sa Mega, at nagkwento siya ng isang napasakit na pangyayari sa buhay niya. Yung parang masaya kayo nung girl noong una tapos noong nahulog ang loob mo sa kanya, naiilang na, lumalayo na, umiiwas pa. Ang saklap, di ba? Sabi ko, nangyari na rin sa akin yung pangyayari na yan. Yung tapos mong gawin ang lahat para sa kanila at sa grupo, tila wala kang natanggap na return favor, ultimong 'thank you', wala. Saklap nga eh. Tapos noon, umuwi na kami, but before, dumaan muna kami sa Timezone at tumingin ng games. Tapos ayun, minamanyak si Lili, amf.

Wala talaga akong maisulat ng matino nagyon. Nagtitrip na naman ako. Speaking of sountrip, eto, lyrics.

Una by Spongecola

muli namang umihip sa akin
ang hangin ng pagiisa
liwanag kang dagling sumilaw
sa aking mga mata

linilingon, sinusundan
dumadalas ang minsan
ika'y naryan, abot tanaw
kahit walang dahilan

maiiwasan ba
ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko
(maiiwasan bang)
ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan
(magkamali sa'yo)
nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na
(maiiwasan bang)
lalong mahulog sa iyo

walang maitutulad sa sumpang iyong linikha
putulin man ang tali ay sadyang walang kawala
sa pagkaakit, at di paglapit
nananalangin, at umaasang

hindi padadala
hinding hindi padadala
hindi padadala

A New Month

2006-03-01T17:51:00.000+08:00

Mood:

March at last... dalawang buwan na ang nakakalipas simula noong New Year...

Ang bilis, parang kailan lang. Pero ganun pa rin, may mga baga pa rin akong gustong kalimutan pero di ko magawa. Masakit din naman kasi ang nangyari. Pakiramdam ko nagpagamit lang ako sa mga taong pinagkatiwalaan ko. Tapos anong nangyari? Wala na. parang anino na lang ako...

Yup, ilang buwan na ang ang nagdaan after sa TRC incident na yun. For those who want to know, I'll let you know some other time. Basta, parang tinabunan ako ng buhangin six feet under then kumakatok ako sa inaamag na ataul. As if I was lef behind. Buti naman may mga taong sumalo sa akin, at kung sino sino pa ang mga taong hindi ko inaasahan na makisipatya sa akin, sila pa tong nagasabi sa akin na "Ano ka ba?". Sila pa ang sumalba sa akin sa pagalis ko sa GC. May mga taong nakatingala pa pala sa akin. Akala ko wala na. Masaya ako para sa kanila. Di ko na magawang lumayo dahil sa mga taong tulad nila. Kahit gustuhin ko pa na umalis na lang...

Masaya na rin kahit papaano. Kahit nandyan ang mga taong dapat iwasan at layuan dahil sa atraso, may mga tao naman na handang sumoporta sa akin.

I will be your... doll?

2006-02-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

Mood:

Yup, wala kasing mapagbalingan ng pansin si Morbid, kaya I represented myself for her to be her doll. Just to satisfy her. Siguro nga yun lang ang magagawa ko para masuklian ang mga kabutihan niya sa akin bilang isang gatherer. Sa isang kondisyon. She will dress me like a doll.

Inetresting.

I am your doll.
Dress, Undress, Molest.

Sabado

2006-02-27T19:29:00.000+08:00

Mood:

May event na naman. Waaa... event. Actually pamasahe lang ang bitbit ko. Inuman kina Shawn pagkatapos ng event. Waaaa...

Kaya eto. Tumambay ako sa Mega para hindtayin ang mga taon na dapat hintayin. Mayamaya, dumating nga sina Mark Setsuna at yung iba. Syempre pinakilala ko sila sa mga bagong taga Gamer Clan. Sabi nga niya sa akin nagiimprove. Siguro panay chikas na kasi ang kasama namin kaya sabay na kaming lahat pumunta sa Shang-ri La para sa Core of Soul concert. Medyo naligaw din kami ang lawak kasi. Nakapunta rin kami sa wakas at kumain ng Sushi, California Maki at ilang Japanese food, sagot ni Markel. Nandun din sina Barbie Almabis, Kitchie Nadal at Hale. Tapos noon, pumunta na kami kina Saiko para sa inuman. Badtrip nga eh, basta, parang may bagay akong di naacomplish. Basta Mission Failed... pero OK lang, may susunod pa naman na panahon eh, sana.

Eto may song na napapagtripan nila, maganda naman siya, kaya pinagtripan ko na rin.

Narda by Kamikazee

Tila ibon kung lumipad
Sumabay sa hangin
Akoy napatingin
Sa dalagang nababalot ng hiwaga...

Mapapansin kaya
Sa dami ng 'yong ginagawa
Kung kaagaw ko ang lahat
May pag asa bang makilala ka...

Awit na nananawagan
Baka sakaling napakikinggan
Pag ibig na palaisipan
Sa kanta na lang idaraan...

Nag-aabang sa langit..
Sa mga ulap sumisilip..
Sa likod ng mga tala..
Kahit sulyap lang darna....!!!

Ang swerte nga naman ni Ding
Lagi ka nyang kapiling
Kung ako sa kanya
Niligawan na kita...

Mapapansin kaya
Sa dami ng 'yong ginagawa
Kung kaagaw ko ang lahat
May pag asa bang makilala ka...

Awit na nananawagan
Baka sakaling napakikinggan
Pag ibig na palaisipan
Sa kanta na lang idaraan

Nag-aabang sa langit..
Sa mga ulap sumisilip..
Sa likod ng mga tala..
Kahit sulyap lang darna....!!!

Tumalon kaya ako sa bangin
Para lang iyong sagipin..
Ito ang tanging paraan
Para mayakap ka..

Darating kaya
Sa dami ng ginagawa
Kung kaagaw ko sila
Paano na kaya?..

Awit na nananawagan
Baka sakaling napakikinggan
Pag ibig na palaisipan
Sa kanta na lang idaraan...

Nag-aabang sa langit..
Sa mga ulap sumisilip..
Sa likod ng mga tala..
Kahit sulyap lang darna....!!!

Nag-aabang sa langit..
Sa mga ulap sumisilip..
Sa likod ng mga tala..
Kahit sulyap lang darna....!!!