Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Thanatos
"Say, have you realized how insignificant your existence is on this little planet?"
I have found this line while reading a print out of 'The Melacholies of Haruhi Suzumiya'. I pondered about myself. I even asked myself why am I living here on Earth. Wait a minute? How can I be sure that I don't what to die?
After realizing how bored I am, I also realize how unworthy I am for the most. I have to accept the facts that I have accomplished something. Yeah, I ain't stopping doing accomplishments. But sometimes I may have done something wrong. In an instant, my good intentions were run over by a single second of mistakes. I may look like a clown who just placed his lipstick on a wrong place. It was condemnable. Yeah right, I am not significant either. So why I must spend my lifetime doing the same mistakes again even though I tried so hard to become better. "No one understand how I feel!!' becomes a cliche. In the end, I am the only one who's bitter, biting his thumbnails like L does.It seems like I have suffered enough euthanasia, crawling fire ants biting my toes and my legs, and a word most feared of the most, of such as Death, serves as a solitary medicine. An only cure for the tormented patient.
"I have enough of the same cycles everyday! Kill me now!!"
It seems like the combined forces of of the different versions of the urban legend song called Gloomy Sunday doens't have an effect either.If such things such as Deathnote exist, I could have asked Ryuk to have my name written on it. Or ask Ichigo and his gang of Shinigamis to cut my head off, in Bankai mode.I never knew that I was suicidal. But I don't have any choice.
For me, I see Death as a awesome once-in-a-lifetime experience. an enigmatic angel of salvation that would decapitate your pitiful soul and break free from the cruelty of the world. It would be fun to feel the presence of those people who loathe you before when you are still living and would attend your funeral just for some freebies. I was wondering how many people would be there when I die. I think they won't even reach the total numbers of your fingers from head to toe. But most probably not, because the fact is, you would only be remembered, when you die. Sounds fun to gather all your so called friends and nemesis in one setting, lamenting for your departure. But when you are still alive, insults and enless sarcasms that you hope that you wouldn't hear as long as you die.
Now here Death enters the picture.
Hell Girl seems to be a valkyrie that will help me thrive in the halls of Valhalla. If Sasuke's my bestfriend, I'd like to grant him the power of Magekyo. I should have been in the place of Kaoru Nagisa instead of him in the hands of Eva-01. I'll be resting in peace in the Grave of the Fireflies.
Least explain it, I'd be better off Dead. The world would be a better place without my presence anyway.
I have written the all my sins, not tragedies in the course of history. This is not even panicking at the disco or something. I guess that's good enough.
3:30 PM ...another day has ended.
~o(†)o~
